In Which a Child is Assaulted and the School Does Nothing

Trigger Warning:  Contains sexual content


Recently, a colleague from my days as a teacher shared the following story:

A class of Grade 3 students was assembling on the carpet of the library.  An 8-year-old boy walked in front of a girl in the class who was seated.  He faced her, bent his knees and began to pump his pelvis in front of her face.  Other children pointed and laughed.  Then he bopped her on the head with his hand and sing-songed, "Ha ha, you got tea-bagged!"  Children continued to laugh as the boy skipped away and the little girl began to cry.  She wiped her eyes and sucked back the tears as the librarian called the class to attention and began the lesson.

Are you as horrified as I am by this event?


Let's be perfectly clear:  That little girl was sexually assaulted.


Hopefully she went home and told her parents exactly what happened.  It doesn't matter if she understood what the boy was acting out--she knows that she was uncomfortable and humiliated and that she was treated with aggression.  Hopefully her parents raised some hell at the school, at the very least demanding that the boy be moved to another class.

But from what I heard, nothing happened.  The boy was not punished nor even spoken to about his actions.  His parents were not phoned.  The little girl's parents were not phoned.  The incident was ignored and school life continued.

Friends, this is normal every day stuff in the life of a child attending school.  And yet every time someone criticizes my family for choosing a different path of education, they invariably start with the argument that my children need to learn how to "cope in the world" and "how will they ever be socialized?"

If that had been my daughter who was sexually assaulted on school property while a teacher did nothing, I would have immediately pulled my daughter out of school, contacted the director of education and phoned the media.  Somebody would have to answer for why school personnel are unwilling or unable to prevent and stop an act of sexual aggression.

It literally makes me feel sick to my stomach when I hear parents who really believe that events like this are no big deal and that the little girl will get over it.  If I were sitting at a library and some guy came up and started grinding his pelvis into my face, would we all decide that it was no big deal and I should get over it? Do children not deserve to be free from assault and aggression, regardless of the age and maturity of the perpetrator?

Parents:  Protect your Children.  You are not teaching them anything positive when you believe that they must go through bad experiences as they grow up.  What a horrible way to view life and to teach your child to view life!  I want my children to grow up with the belief that the world is a kind and wonderful place, where life is full of abundance and richness and where the spreading of joy results in more joy coming their way.

It's funny how it makes some people uncomfortable that I think that offering my children experiences of joy and freedom and abundance is good for them.  It's too bad so many people are so committed to their lives of scarcity and misery and frustration that they want the same experience for their children.

No thank you.

Call for Submissions: Family Size Blog Carnival

FAMILY SIZE BLOG CARNIVAL - CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS!

Please join Kerry @ City Kids Homeschooling and Patti @ Jazzy Mama for our first Family Size Blog Carnival!

• How do you make decisions on your family's size?

•  What factors do you consider when deciding how many children to welcome into your family?

• Are your decisions based on choice, circumstance, beliefs?

• Do you hope to continue to expand your family or are you done and why?

• When making family size decisions, what factors do you consider when selecting a birth control method?

• Do you have thoughts on sibling spacing? How do manage and attend to lots of little ones?

There are so many interesting angles to approach this topic and we hope you will share your thoughts and insights on family size for what promises to be an engaging, enjoyable and informative blog carnival!

We can't wait to hear from you! Please email your submissions by THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 2ND to BOTH kmcdonald02138 {at} gmail {dot} com AND ptinh0441 {at} rogers {dot} com. The blog carnival will take place on THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 9TH.

In your email, please include the following information for your post:

Your Name:

Blog Name:

Blog URL:

Facebook Page:

URL In Advance: (If you don't know how to determine your post's URL in advance, click here for a helpful tutorial.)

Carnival Blurb: For example - Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares her thought process on deciding how many children to welcome into her family.

We look forward to hearing from you!

Cultural Influence on Education

I can certainly see with my girls that learning is a cultural phenomenon, unique to each family and community. 

If we made our living as dairy farmers (as my parents did), my girls would have a big understanding of the life cycle of cows and the planting of crops. If we ran a landscaping business, they'd know about trees and flowers and grades and soil. If we belonged to a church, it would form part of their community and they would learn there, too. Because we are literate, environmentally-minded, world-issue-conscious and committed to healthy living, our children will have those ideas as part of their culture. And because we live in a fast-paced, ethnically diverse city, they will have access to more ideas which will form their complete culture.

I think that culture is incredibly important in the education of children. (And by education I basically mean learning.) Culture determines priorities, perceptions and core values. I have read about a group of Mennonites or Hutterites who formed an isolated community in which to live within their beliefs without outside influence. Within two generations they were completely illiterate. But I bet their children could tend the animals, plant crops, bake bread, butcher a pig and make cheese. They probably understood weather patterns and the habits of wild animals, too. It goes to show that priorities determine education, as established by the culture of the community.

On Monday morning the principal at Partner-Guy's school made a school-wide announcement asking the students and staff to observe a moment of silence to remember the victims of the earthquake in Haiti and to be conscious of how many Haitian children are now without food, water and schools. Partner-Guy almost choked on his coffee when he heard her say that. As if schools are as important as food and water? And what about the Haitian children who are now without parents? Not as important as being without schools, apparently.

So why is it that whenever humanitarian aid is offered to impoverished regions, immediately teams of Westerners are sent to establish schools in the typical style of North America? Wouldn't it make sense to let the community establish its own educational priorities as reflected by their history, lifestyle and core values? I remember watching the Oprah special when she went to South Africa and built schools. Every child showed up for school wearing an American-style uniform and sat in desks in neat rows and wrote in notebooks and studied from textbooks. I couldn't believe it. Was she trying to make them into Americans? Just because the children study South African history, or read a novel written by a South African, does that mean their true educational needs are being met? And meanwhile, they are removed from the work of their parents for 8 hours a day and they lose the opportunity to learn meaningful life skills from them. I'm still confused.

I'm not anti-education. Really, I'm in favour of access to education for all. For example, preventing girls from attending school in Afghanistan is clearly just one more way that women are oppressed in that country. And literacy is a basic life skill that everyone should attain. Throughout the world ample evidence exists that access to education opens doors for people who would otherwise live generation after generation in perpetual poverty. But why has the word school come to mean just one style of education all over the world? ( It's like the word milk automatically connotes cow's milk, not soy milk or human milk even.)

This issue of forcing North American style schooling on the people of developing nations is one of the things that prevents me from giving to humanitarian groups such as Oxfam or Compassion or WorldVision. Instead, I keep my giving local by handing my pocket change to the homeless or panhandlers I see. I can't help it that my tax dollars fund a system of education that I don't endorse. (My tax dollars also fund a healthcare system that is wasteful and misguided, but I can't cover everything in one post.) But I can question where money is spent if I am going to make a donation to provide humanitarian aid overseas.

And I can remember everyday how fortunate I am to be raising my daughters in a time and place where I can not only ask these questions, but also follow my heart with regards to our priorities and core values.

School by Default

At least once per week since I wrote You're Not Homeschooling Because...Your Spouse is Against It, someone finds that post by doing a Google search:

• husband won't let me homeschool
• husband against homeschooling
• I want to homeschool but husband says no
• can I homeschool if my husband is against it

I totally get that a parent would not support homeschooling: choosing any path that is against the mainstream is a difficult decision.  It is hard to forge a new way.  And it is especially hard to choose NOT to do something for your children that you believe was actually really GOOD for YOU.

Even some of my friends who are pro-homeschool have chosen to send their children to school because their husbands won't accept homeschool as a viable option.

What is strange to me when spouses disagree about school vs. homeschool, is that SCHOOL always seems to be the default choice.  It is especially perplexing to me when the parents have otherwise been following many attachment parenting practices.

Should the default choice be to send small children away from all that makes them feel safe and confident?

Should the default choice be to surround small children with people who don't know anything about them?

Should the default choice be to put your unique child into an environment where conformity is demanded?

The longer I watch my children learn and mature on their own terms, the more I become surprised at the reasons why parents choose school even if they aren't sure it's the right choice.  When I imagine my authentic, creative children in an artificial and conformist environment, I cry for them.  And when I see children who were previously confident and happy but have turned both aggressive and insecure after just a short time in school, I also cry for them.  

Parents, if you are unsure whether school or homeschool is the right choice for your family, might I suggest considering the following?

1. Create a Family Mission Statement.  This means examining as a family what your priorities and values are and then deciding how to spend your time focussed on what really matters to you.
2. Define 'success'.  Look at whether your definition of FUTURE success depends on what you do right now.  For example, is your definition of success timeless, or do you define success according to age or dollar value?
3. For both School and Homeschool, describe what it will look like, sound like and feel like for EACH member of the family.  This is SO important...
4. Answer the question "What will this decision COST me?"  Financially?  Letting go of fears?  Family support?  Relationships?  Career?
5. Trust your child.  Love yourself.  Listen to what your child wants.  Listen to your heart.  Approve of your own decisions.  Seek support.  

I'd love to hear how YOU decided whether or not to homeschool.  What would you add to this list to help others decide what to do?

Support for Natural Parents

One of the smartest things I've done in my journey as a natural, authentic parent has been to seek support.  I've done this by following a few mommy-bloggers who I'm pleased have become my friends.  I've also read a number of great parenting books and joined some of the online forums that the authors have created.  And I've paid for coaching and support when I really needed it.

Friends, I have to tell you that I have never regretted one dime of the money I've spent to feel supported in my parenting journey.  There are some phenomenal coaches and mentors out there who have a message of parenting clarity.  I've learned how to examine my thinking in order to make changes beyond the physical realm.  In other words, rather than just getting support in my efforts to stop freaking out about us being late to get somewhere, I've learned how to examine my beliefs regarding time management and expectations.  More than once in the last year, I've been brought to my knees as I discovered how deeply embedded in my subconscious some of my negative beliefs were.

So I wish to introduce to you a new friend and mentor:  Teresa Graham Brett and her website, Parenting for Social Change.  This week Teresa is offering a FREE webinar for parents who are ready to turn conflict into connection.  I am used to paying $100+/hour for this type of information and support, so a FREE opportunity to learn from a truly intuitive and sensitive coach is quite rare!

To register for Teresa's webinar, please follow this link and leave your email address and she will send you all of the information so that you can participate.  (It's on January 11 at 3:30pm MST, which is 5:50pm EST.)

If you've ever considered learning from other deeply passionate and message-driven parenting mentors, I urge you take this opportunity.



For Freedom and Joy,
Patti

Please note that I am NOT an affiliate for Teresa Graham Brett.

Childhood Anxiety

A Reader asked:
"Hi do you have suggestions for helping a toddler (2.5 yr old) deal with anxiety? She's scared of insects & loud noises such as the smoke alarm & vacuum cleaner. She's also recently told me she's scared of santa. Her fears seem to be increasing so I am growing concerned for her. Many thanks."

Dear Friend,
You are a conscious and thoughtful parent to see your child's distress and to seek help in healing it.  I offer you a big hug and the warmest of smiles, because I can tell that you are fully Awake and Aware in your responsibilities as a mother.

Your 2.5 year old daughter is also fully conscious and aware of her feelings and needs.  She has shown you that she is afraid of certain situations or things or sounds or people.  She has shown YOU her fears because she trusts you to protect her and to create a safe environment for her so that she can get on with the important business of her life:  exploring, learning, discovering, playing, growing and maturing.

As much as is possible, avoid situations that bring out your child's fears and anxiety.  Hold her trust in you as a sacred privilege and don't ask her to do what she is telling you she is not yet capable of handling.  She is doing the best that she can do already, based on her knowledge and experience of the world.

When she is in an unavoidable situation where she is demonstrating her anxiety, respect her authenticity by doing whatever she asks:  leaving the place or holding her or shielding her from unwanted attention.  Tell her, "Yes, I can see you are scared.  Mommy will stay with you."  Validate without adding drama.  Empathize and empower.  Do not try to talk her out of her fear or ask her to engage in an activity she is scared of.  She will learn to trust her instincts when you honour her feelings and her trust in you will deepen also.

Are you worried that she will never get over her fears or that her fears are unreasonable?

Let me share something personal:  I have been afraid of frogs ever since I accidentally stepped on one when I was about 7 years old.  I understand that they cannot hurt me, yet if someone brought one into the room this instant I would run away and hide behind a locked door.  Now imagine if the person who loves me the most in this world decided without my permission that he was going to teach me to get over my fear by regularly exposing me to frogs.  Would I get over my fear?  Maybe eventually I would.  But I would also develop a resentful attitude toward the person who did not respect my fears and who wanted to impose his own agenda on me.  I would no longer trust him to accept and love my authentic self.

Similarly, there is no reason to try to 'train' your child out of her fears, unless you want her to develop a mistrust of you or her other caregivers.  Most childhood fears will naturally dissipate as the child matures.  The fears that persist deserve to be respected and honoured.  Your relationship with your daughter is bigger and more lasting than her fears.

Offer yourself the enormous love and respect that you deserve for caring so much about your daughter.  Release your own anxiety about her fears and let yourself fall into a deep, deep trust of her and all that she communicates to you.  You are her role model and she is your mirror--when your anxiety disappears, so will hers.

For Freedom and Joy,
Patti

Why Co-Sleeping Has Always Been the Right Choice for My Family

Welcome to the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival
This post was written for inclusion in the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival hosted by Monkey Butt Junction . Our bloggers have written on so many different aspects of cosleeping. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Every night I think about how lucky I am to be able to watch all four of my children fall asleep. I think of how lucky I am to be able to touch all of them at the same time and know that they are peaceful, safe and warm. I remember each of their births and how I promised each one that I would always be there for them; how I promised that I would give my love freely and generously. And I think of how good it is for them to fall asleep every night comforted by the warmth and proximity of the person who loves them the most in this world.

Then last night I thought of all the mothers whose hearts must long for a simple moment like watching their children fall asleep.

• I thought of the mother whose child lays in Sick Kids Hospital, hooked up to monitors and tubes, and how she would love to have him at home in her bed where she could hold him all night long.

• I thought of the mother at Auschwitz, not knowing if her children were alive, not able to comfort or protect them.

• I thought of the desolate mother with AIDS, herself alone in a bed, unable to care for her children.

• I thought of my own mother, who buried one of her three daughters, and then kept me in her bed well past my 4th birthday, where she could hold me and know that I was safe all night.

I was struck by enormity of the privilege I hold just to be able to watch and touch my children as they drift off to sleep. It just doesn't matter where my children sleep, as long as they are sleeping where they want to sleep. Occasionally they drag out sleeping bags and line them up on the floor at bedtime.  Occasionally someone falls asleep on the couch.  Occasionally they fall asleep in carseats.  All that matters is that they feel safe and loved and happy.  Wherever they fall asleep, they know that they will wake up all together in bed with ME.  It is a surety that they all take for granted.

There are no awards for how early a child sleeps alone all night. When I am old and frail none of my children will say "Mom, thanks for making me sleep alone when I was a baby, or I might never have learned how to sleep!!" If I win the Sleep Trophy it will be because none of my children has ever cried herself to sleep.

One day they will each sleep alone.  And probably the days of crying themselves to sleep will come: boyfriends will break up with them, a loved one will die, they won't get the job they lusted after, a friend will tell them a lie.

But for as long as I can, I will make bedtime a happy event of togetherness and connection.  It is my privilege to do so.
*******
Thanks for reading a post in the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival. On Carnival day, please follow along on Twitter using the #CosleepCar hashtag.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
***

• Emotive Co-Sleeping Campaign - Miriam at Diary of an Unconscious Mother talks about her feelings on Milwaukee’s anti-cosleeping crusade and its latest advertising campaign.
• Why Cosleeping has Always been the Right Choice for My Family - Patti at Jazzy Mama shares how lucky she feels to have the privilege of sleeping with her four children.
• Cosleeping is a safe, natural and healthy solution parents need to feel good about. - See how Tilly at Silly Blatherings set up a side-car crib configuration to meet her and her families' needs.
• Black and White: Race and the Cosleeping Wars - Moorea at Mama Lady: Adventures in Queer Parenting points out the problem of race, class and health when addressing co-sleeping deaths and calls to action better sleep education and breastfeeding support in underprivileged communities.
• Reflections on Cosleeping - Jenny at I’m a Full Time Mummy shares her thoughts on cosleeping and pictures of her cosleeping beauties.
• Cosleeping and Transitioning to Own Bed - Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine shares her experiences in moving beyond the family bed.
• What Works for One Family - Momma Jorje shares why cosleeping is for her and why she feels it is the natural way to go. She also discusses the actual dangers and explores why it may not be for everyone.
• Really High Beds, Co-Sleeping Safely, and the Humanity Family Sleeper - Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama gives a quick view of Jennifer’s bed-sharing journey and highlights the Humanity Family Sleeper, something Jennifer could not imagine bed-sharing without.
• Crying in Our Family Bed - With such a sweet newborn, why has adding Ailia to the family bed made Dionna at Code Name: Mama cry?
• Dear Mama: - Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares a letter from the viewpoint of her youngest son about cosleeping.
• Cuddle up, Buttercup! - Nada of The MiniMOMist and her husband Michael have enjoyed cosleeping with their daughter Naomi almost since birth. Nada shares why the phrase "Cuddle up, Buttercup!" has such special significance to her.
• Co-Sleeping With A Baby, Toddler, and Preschooler - Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how co-sleeping calls us to trust our inner maternal wisdom and embrace the safety and comfort of the family bed.
• Fear instead of Facts: An Opportunity Squandered in Milwaukee - Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction discusses Milwaukee’s missed opportunity to educate on safe cosleeping.
• Cosleeping: A Mini-rant and a Lovely Picture - Siobhan at Res Ipsa Loquitor discusses her conversion to cosleeping and rants a little bit about the Milwaukee Health Department anti-cosleeping campaign.
• Our Cosleeping Story - Adrienne at Mommying My Way shares her cosleeping story and the many bonus side effects of bedsharing.
• Cosleeping can be safe and rewarding Christy at Mommy Outnumbered shares how her cosleeping experiences have been good for her family.
• Adding one more to the family bed Lauren at Hobo Mama discusses the safety logistics of bed sharing with a new baby and a preschooler.
• The Truth About Bedsharing - Dr. Sarah at Parenting Myths and Facts discusses the research into bedsharing and risk - and explains why it is so often misrepresented.
• Cosleeping as a parenting survival tool - Melissa V. at Mothers of Change describes how she discovered cosleeping when her first baby was born. Melissa is the editor and a board member for the Canadian birth advocacy group, Mothers of Change.
• Dear Delilah - Joella at Fine and Fair writes about her family bed and the process of finding the cosleeping arrangements that work best for her family.
• CoSleeping ROCKS! - Melissa at White Noise talks about the evolution of cosleeping in her family.
• Safe Sleep is a Choice - Tamara at Pea Wee Baby talks about safe sleep guidelines.
• 3 Babies Later: The Evolution of our Family Bed - Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment talks about how her family’s cosleeping arrangements evolved as her family grew.
• Tender Moments - The Accidental Natural Mama discusses tender cosleeping moments.
• Cosleeping Experiences - Lindsey at An Unschooling Adventure describes how she ended up co-sleeping with her daughter through necessity, despite having no knowledge of the risks involved and how to minimise them, and wishes more information were made available to help parents co-sleep safely.
• The early days of bedsharing - Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares her early memories of bedsharing with her then new born and gets excited as she plans including their new arrival into their sleeping arrangements.
• The Joys of Cosleeping in Pictures - Charise of I Thought I Knew Mama shares pictures of some of her favorite cosleeping moments.
• Symbiotic Sleep - Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children discusses how the symbiotic cosleeping relationship benefits not only children but also parents.
• Co-sleeping Barriers: What’s Stopping You? - Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares how she was almost prevented from gaining the benefits of co-sleeping her family currently enjoys.
• Co-Sleeping with the Family Humanity Sleeper - Erica at ChildOrganics shares a way to make co-sleeping safe, comfortable and more convenient. Check out her post featuring the Humanity Organic Family Sleeper.
• Why We Cosleep - That Mama Gretchen’s husband chimes in on why cosleeping is a benefit to their family.
• Adding to the Family Bed - Darah at A Girl Named Gus writes about her co-sleeping journey and what happens when a second child comes along.

A big thank you to all of the Safe Cosleeping Blog Carnival participants!

Can You LOVE WHAT IS at Christmas?

Welcome to the December Mindful Mama Carnival: Staying Mindful During the Holiday Season
This post was written for inclusion in the Mindful Mama Carnival hosted by Becoming Crunchy and TouchstoneZ. This month our participants have shared how they stay mindful during the holiday season. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
***


There is just one phrase that keeps me grounded, centred and mindful during the holiday season:

Love What Is.


There are so many things about Christmas that could bring me down, but I choose to see my circumstances as a welcome opportunity for joy and freedom.


Would Christmas be better if my parents were not separated?  I don't know, but it might be easier in the sense that it would involve just one visit instead of two.  But I choose to Love What Is:  if my parents had not separated 3 years ago, I would not likely have initiated a more positive, connected relationship with either of them.  


Would Christmas be better if I had a relationship with my two brothers?  Sure.  And I'd love to meet my nephew who is just a few months older than Julian.  But I choose to Love What Is:  because of their anger towards me I have had the opportunity to look deep into my own heart, find forgiveness, and learn to love myself.  


Would Christmas be better if one of my daughters didn't have such a competitive attitude towards her sisters when it comes to receiving gifts?  Well, I'd likely enjoy shopping more if I didn't have her criticisms and critiques running through my head!  But I choose to Love What Is:  she is SO GENEROUS with her gifts for her sisters and I appreciate that she values quality over quantity.  


Would Christmas be better if my Partner-Guy's family was more easily able to accommodate the needs of my young family?  It would be busier, anyway!  But I choose to Love What Is:  the relatives are able to celebrate as much as they want without my little ones under foot and my children are able to enjoy their new toys and other acquisitions without having to relocate.


You see, I have spent many, many years dreading Christmas.  I used to feel my stress rise at Labour Day as I held my breathe until Thanksgiving, and then as soon as that was over my blood pressure would climb until Christmas was finally over.  I dreaded all the forced pleasantries and fake gratitude.  I hated pretending that I came from a perfect family when it was so apparent that we were all hurting and broken.  I felt sick about putting my authenticity aside to be a people-pleaser.  And I felt even sicker about making my children put their needs on hold to placate other people.


So now we do the holiday season with only one intent:  to maximize Freedom and Joy for the six of us and to Love What Is.  That which can't be changed, we accept.  That which brings us Joy, we seek.  That which creates greater Freedom for us and others, we choose.


In the true spirit of Love and Peace at Christmas, I choose to show Love and Peace to myself, my Partner-Guy and my children.  

Jasmine, Holly and Anna (Christmas 2009)

Can you let go of what you don't have at Christmas and Love What Is?
***
Visit The Mindful Mama Homepage to find out how you can participate in the next Mindful Mama Carnival!
On Carnival day, please follow along on Twitter using the handy #MindMaCar hastag. You can also subscribe to the Mindful Mama Twitter List and Mindful Mama Participant Feed.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Enjoying Busy Times Moment by Moment Amy at Peace 4 Parents offers a handful of simple pointers to make the most of any busy season in your life.
• Staying A Mindful Mama During The Holiday Season Terri at Eco-Crazy Mom shares her thoughts on being a mindful mama, while keeping your sanity throughout the holiday season..
• Holiday Parenting: The Gift of Natural Play Moorea at MamaLady shares her holiday plan for mindfully spending time with children in her extended family.
• The ABC's of Mindful Parenting Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama provides a comprehensive list of Mindful Parenting Resultions for 2012. In addition, she briefly reviews her mindful parenting journey for this past year.
• The 123's of Mindful Parenting Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares part 3 of her Mindful Parenting series (Link will be live tomorrow, Dec 14).
• Mindful Mama Guest Post from Hybrid Rasta Mama Zoie at TouchstoneZ is honored to share Part 2 of Jennifer's series on staying Mindful for the Holidays.
• Saying No to Plastic Toys Nada at minimomist and her husband Michael, have certain rules when it comes to toys for their daughter Naomi. Here's how they deal with well-meaning gifts that don't quite work for their family.
• Can you LOVE WHAT IS at Christmas? With so many expectations and so many people's needs to accomodate, Patti at Jazzy Mama has decided to simply accept what can't be changed and love whatever happens.
• Minimal Temptation, Minimal Gifting Adrienne at Mommying My Way shares how not exposing herself to tempting purchases, as well as having fun family traditions, helps keep her Christmas list under control.
• Choice And Consequence In Conscious Mindfulness Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares her realisation that consciously monitoring our thoughts have a powerful effect on our lives, regardless of circumstances or influences.
• Nature-Inspired Christmas Tree Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling describes how she and her children discovered the beauty and simplicity of a nature-inspired holiday tree.
• Giving The Gift of Life Free Range Mama at My Healthy Green Family shares about teaching children how to look beyond the well-wrapped box and learn how to give. .
• Can a collection of moments be more than the whole? Tat at Mum in search asks how do you turn a holiday from hell into a series of beautiful moments?
• Flying Through the Holidays Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction discusses how a simple organizational plan has kept her holidays balanced.
• Celebrating Advent week to week Lauren at Hobo Mama finds that counting down weeks instead of days helps children with the long wait.
• 5 Ways to Stay Mindful This Holiday Season Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares ideas and photos that help her stay mindful throughout the holidays.
• Simplifying the Holidays Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares how simplifying the holidays has made them more special for her.
• Mindfully Managing the Mania Erica at ChildOrganics fights against "the gimmes" and shares strategies for staying balanced during a time of year when it's easy to overindulge.
• Six Ways to Enjoy the Holidays Without Losing Your Mindfulness Rachael at The Variegated Life shares tips on thinking less, planning less, doing less, and remembering.
• The Gift of Presence Darcel at The Mahogany Way explains how important it is to be present for and with her family during the Holidays.
• Mindfully meditating on celebrations Terri at Child of the Nature Isle desires meaningful celebrations for the whole year.
• What Does It Really Mean? Staying Mindful Through the Holiday Season Kelly at Becoming Crunchy talks about how she stays in touch with what the holiday season means for her and her family, in spite of all the temptations to do otherwise!

How to THRIVE this Holiday Season

Does thinking about the approaching festivities sometimes make you feel nauseous?


Are you nervous about spending time with family or friends who don't understand your approach to parenting?


Are you already bogged down in the details and preparations?

Wouldn't you love to transform your perspective from one of dread to one of excitement?

Wouldn't you love to bring more Joy to your family by arriving with more Joy in yourself?

I invite you to make yourself a priority this Christmas by observing some self-love and self-care.

My personal life coach and business coach, Tara Wagner, has created an extraordinary package of audios to help you focus on what really matters to you during the holidays.

 Her Holiday Thriving Kit includes a 40 minute meditation as well as two 90-minute recordings of coaching and suggestions to help you release the negativity or unhelpful expectations that you might bring to the holiday season, specifically geared toward helping us move through challenging family, friends and inter-personal experiences we might encounter during the holidays with people who do not share our values.

Having worked with Tara for the past 8 months, I can personally say that her work is nothing short of transformational.  In this audio package, she provides both practical and deeper coaching on meeting our needs this holiday season and how to create an experience in which all parties can thrive.

Wouldn't you love to THRIVE instead of just SURVIVE the holidays?


 

This is an affiliate link.

Christmas: A Time to Remember

How do you remember someone you didn't know?
How do you miss a person you never had a relationship with?

I have been pondering these two questions for the past few years as I've tried to resolve and understand the  death of my 4-year-old sister when I was just 4 1/2 months old.

My family has rarely spoken about Julia, her life or her death.  I have never known much about her yet I've always felt an emptiness in my heart because of her absence from my life.  In the past year, I began to talk to my mother about her and I began to think more deeply about my own beliefs about life and death.  I began to develop a deeper understanding of my mother and I adopted a new attitude towards the Purpose of Life.

Last summer my mother, her sister and I visited the cemetery where my sister Julia is buried.  My mother told the entire story of the day my sister died, the following days and the funeral.  Most of the details were things I had never heard before.  My aunt was also a valuable source of information, filling in her own perspective as both a mother and a sister.  I wept for 3 solid hours.

Before we left, I read a letter to my sister:

Dear Julie,
I came here today with our mother and our aunt to honour you, your life and your memory.  You have always had a big presence in my life.
In the past year I have taken several steps to honour you:

• I have put framed pictures of you in my home.

• I have started to talk about you as one of my siblings.

• I have started to say that I come from a family of 5 children and to regard our mother as a mother of 5.

• Not insignificantly, I have named my son Julian so that a member of our family will always be linked to your memory.

I much to thank you for, so I offer you these thoughts of gratitude:
While our mother grieved for you she was nonetheless able to be tuned in to her true mothering instinct while she cared for me.  I was breastfed past my 3rd birthday and I slept in her bed until our brother Ben was born.  Because of the extraordinary love and protection that our mother was able to give me as a baby and toddler, I have a deep well of love from which to draw on my own mothering instinct.  The abundance of love that she gave to me has multiplied into my love for my children.
I also thank you because your memory reminds me to never take my children for granted, to be grateful for every moment, to give my love freely and to celebrate their authenticity.
And third, I thank  you for giving me a reason to deeply contemplate the purpose of my life, what is death and the meaning of love.
Finally, I came here to tell you that I LOVE YOU.  Through much pain I have learned that once created, love lasts forever.  I give my love to you today as your sister because we don't have to be together to share the deep connection of being sisters.

Then I left a picture of my 4 children on her headstone.

Christmas always seems like an appropriate time to honour and remember those we love who are no longer with us.  While death may create a permanent absence, perhaps by reconnecting to the love we shared with our dear ones we can enjoy bringing honour and meaning to their lives.  

I'll be lighting a candle throughout the holidays in honour of my sister Julia, and I will a take a few moments here and there to connect to the love I feel for her and to the bond of sisterhood.  I will draw my children closer and I will commit more fully to creating Peace and Joy for others to share.  I will rid my heart of darkness and I will offer up Light and Love within my home and community.

Will you be honouring anyone this Christmas by reconnecting to the love you shared?

What My 16-Month-Old Nursling Would Like To Say (If He Could Talk)

Mommymommymommymommymommy!

Oh, Mommy!
I just love your milk SO MUCH.  I love it sweet and I love it warm and I love it fast and I love it slow and I love it crying and I love it laughing.  I love it SO MUCH.

I love playing with Daddy.  And I love playing with my 3 big sisters.  And I love reading my books.  And I love playing with my toys.  But I LOVELOVELOVE drinking your milk, Mommy.

My FAVOURITE time for milk is about one hour after we get out of bed in the morning and the sun is up and calling me to play.  I love it after I empty all the pots and pans out of the drawer and after I dump all the potatoes and onions out of the cupboard, that is.  It really is the perfect time for milk because I just need a little break from being so busy!

And my next favourite time for milk is when you're getting something for my sisters to eat because I know you're really, really busy and it seems to me that YOU need to sit down and rest for a minute, Mommy!  I just KNOW how important it is for you to let me cuddle you so that feel all happy inside!

And my next FAVOURITE time for milk is when I start to feel tired, Mommy, because that's when I really, really need a cuddle and you are so warm and so soft and your milk is so sweet in my mouth and it makes my belly feel like it's full of sunshine when I fall asleep.  And isn't that great, Mommy?  Isn't it great how when I sleep your milk is alive inside of me like sunshine and I am growing and thriving and becoming all that I can be?

Mommy, Mommy!  Is it YOUR favourite time when I need your milk again when I wake up from my nap?  Don't you just LOVE to cuddle me when I'm so warm and sleepy and peaceful?  That's my favourite time, too.

And sometimes my favourite time for milk is when I get my hand caught in that huge pots-and-pans drawer, Mommy.  OUCH!  And sometimes my favourite time for milk is when I see you come back from going away for a little while with one of my sisters.  And sometimes my favourite time for milk is when you won't let me grab my sisters' toys and I try to tell you SO LOUD that I HAVE TO HAVE IT!!

I just really love your milk, Mommy.  And did I mention that I love your milk all night, too?  Not just in the day?  Did I almost forget to tell you that?  I'm so silly!

Yes, Mommy, I love your milk in the night, too.  I love it to make me all warm and droopy before I go to sleep at night.  And I love it again when you go to bed a few hours later.  And I love it again just before the sun rises.  I NEED your warm sunny milk inside of me to REMIND me that the sun is coming back in the morning!

I love your milk, Mommy.  And I love you.  And I love the sun.

Thanks, Mommy.  With all my heart.
Love, Julian

(I love you too, little one.)

Surrendering to Motherhood

This afternoon I nursed Julian to sleep for his nap and then I went off to hang out with his sisters for a while.  When he awoke about an hour later, I went into the bedroom where he was rubbing his eyes.  I picked him up, expecting him to want to play, but instead he melded his little body onto mine and fell instantly back to sleep.

I sat on the bed and carefully arranged a pillow behind my back as I leaned back against the headboard, preparing to hold him until he was ready to be awake.  With my eyes I focussed on the precious dip of his Cupid's Bow, wanting to remember its shape always.  With my breath I focussed on his warm exhale, wanting to remember his gentle breeze forever.  With my body I focussed on his warmth and on the way his long legs stretched across my thigh, wanting to remember his 16-month-old form for the rest of his life.

You see, these are the moments of motherhood that I cherish the most:  The Moments of  Surrender.  I look at it like this:
I can pay someone to fold my laundry and vacuum my floors and wash my windows.  And there's a Daddy at this house who can zip zippers and wipe bums and push kids on swings and even throw a meal on the table from time to time.  But when a little child at this house chooses my arms as his bed, my shoulder as his pillow, my warmth as his blanket and my breath as his favourite scent, then there is nothing to do but to surrender to his choice.

I am Unique in this role as Mother.  I am the One my children choose.  I alone am able to be the safe place of unconditional love.  I relish this role.  My children choose ME and I choose them.

Is there anything on my to-do list that is bigger than surrendering to this moment of Motherhood?  Not even close. Will it matter if the laundry doesn't get folded until tomorrow or if the roast goes in the oven a half hour later than I planned?  It might matter a little.  And we'll deal with it.

Can you Surrender to Motherhood?  Can you hold a sleeping baby just a little longer?  Can you read aloud a favourite story for the 585th time?  Can you stay up late baking a favourite recipe so that a little one can enjoy a special breakfast?  Can you sing a silly song and laugh your head off just to hear the laugh of a precious one again?

Breathe it in and hold it tight.

It is so fleeting...

ETFO's Ultimate Block Party

This past June, the Elementary Teachers' Federation of Ontario -- the union in which I used to be an active member -- hosted an Ultimate Block Party at Fort York National Historic Site in downtown Toronto.  Community organizations and individual artists partnered with ETFO to set up 25 play centres where children could take part in all kinds of play:  music, art, drama, and dance;  science experiments, physical play, adventure play, and story telling.  The entire event was free and all teachers' families were invited.

I did not attend with my children.

It's not that I think the event was inherently bad.  In fact, the activities were phenomenal!  Mountains of Lego, art supplies galore, awesome building supplies, science investigations with REAL microscopes and other exploratory tools and devices.  I would love to have access to all those wonderful things for my children on a regular basis.  But, just as importantly, I would love it if every child had non-stop access to the tools of creation, investigation and imagination every day.


You see, ETFO's event was great, except that it took the same old attitude that all the 'experts' take:  that children should have time to play, but not all the time and not unsupervised and not without sharing and taking turns.  


You see, for PLAY to really be the source of learning for young children, they need three things:
TIME, PRIVACY and SPONTANEITY.  They need as much time as they want, they need to be alone so that they don't fall into the trap of just doing what everyone else is doing, and they need to be able to choose their activities whenever their own spirit moves them to participate.


What if the first five years of 'formal education' were a non-stop ultimate block party?  I mean, just imagine it!  Kids ages 4-9 years old who build, create, draw, imagine and MOVE all day long.  They would have the option of sitting for a story if they wanted or they could print some letters if they wanted but they would have the freedom to choose their own activities all day long.  There would be no report cards because the concept of 'progress' would be irrelevant.  It wouldn't matter if a child wanted to build with Lego for 6 months solid because Who knows? Maybe she'll grow up to be a world-renowned architect!  Another child wants to spend a whole year painting pictures?  Magnificent!  Perhaps he'll be an artistic designer! And what if a child spends a year running around from one activity to another with no real purpose or specific interest?  Fantastic!  A well-rounded citizen in the making!

But what about reading and writing?  Oh, come on.  Do children have to learn to read and write when they are 6 years old because otherwise they'll never be literate?  What if the next 5 years of school focused on just 2 areas:  technology and communication.  Aren't those the two most important skills anyone will need in our ever-changing world twenty years from now?  And what if 5 more years of FREE education were spent letting the children pursue whatever subjects they were interested in, perhaps with expert mentors?

We're Unschoolers, but what I've just described is the FLOW that I envision for my children as they grow into adults.  Right now, they are given access to as many adventures and investigations and opportunities to create as I can find and afford.  Whatever they express interest in doing or seeing or exploring, I find a way to make it happen.  I read if they ask me to and I help with printing words if they ask me to.  They do not use computers and we don't own video games.  In a few more years, I open up the world of technology to them by buying them digital cameras, a cam-corder and likely a laptop.  We will engage in communication via the Internet to learn about people all over the world.  And as they become teenagers I envision them following their passions and continuing to learn whatever they want.

What if they flounder around and don't show interest in anything?  Then I will continue to provide a loving, nurturing home environment where I will support them in any endeavour.  I will value them as unique, compassionate, curious people.  I will treasure their contributions to humanity.

I weep for the way that traditional schooling destroys the lives of children.  Strong language?  Not to me.  Unless the modern system of education MODERNIZES in the manner I suggest, we will continue to churn out young people who are totally prepared to live in 1960.

Ingenuity, imagination and communication are the way of the future.  And until the schools throw out their textbooks, their archaic rules of discipline, their ridiculous heavy emphasis on early literacy and their stranglehold on creativity in favour of forced conformity, we will continue to see a society that is struggling to move forward.

Are you considering Unschooling?  What are you doing to keep your eye on the Future as your child plays today?

The Act of Creation

When I first started this blog I think I was a different person.  In fact, when I re-read what I first wrote about, I don't even recognize who I was those 3 years ago.

I THOUGHT I had something to say.  I THOUGHT I was an exemplary parent and that other parents could learn from me.  I THOUGHT that if I ranted about a few issues I would get them off my chest and be able to move on.  I THOUGHT that if I used value-heavy words like authenticity, potential and connection that I could present myself a woman who has really got her act together.

Frankly, I was a first-class moron.  I mean, I didn't KNOW what I DIDN'T KNOW!  I didn't know how to get authentic.  I didn't know how to reach my potential.  And sure didn't know how to develop meaningful connection with anyone, not even my children.

Yet somehow as I began to write about what I thought I already had, I began to attract those things into my life for real.  A conversation with Naomi Aldort turned me onto The Work of Byron Katie.  Then my Partner-Guy's mother gave me DVD of The Secret.  I found Tara Wagner of  The Organic Sister and did a series of coaching sessions with her.  She then introduced me to her own coach, Heather Madder, The Coach for Changemakers.  And now, finally, I am discovering some of the answers to what I have really been seeking.

Blogging, as an act of creation, can be the catalyst to finding all that we seek.  It allows us to connect with each other.  It opens us to new possibilities.  It brings ideas and opportunities to us just when we need them.  It allows us to share our energy and to receive the positivity of others.

Do you know Zoie at Touchstonez?  She is so soulful, so mindful, so authentically searching for Truth.  Her blog, as an act of creation, has inspired me so much.  She is a beautiful friend and a treasured sister.

Have you ever hopped over to Working to be Worthy?  Liana (or Cat, as I call her), is on such a deep spiritual journey through mothering.  I love to read her thoughts on life and love and to think about how I approach the same situations.  Perhaps she will soon discover that she is ALREADY worthy....

And there are more:  Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Minute, Adrienne at Mommying My Way, Heather at Mattern Family, and Ruth at Joy in Momming are all wonderful inspirations to me.  They are real moms, real soul-sisters, real women on a journey of Truth and Light and Love.  I am so grateful for all that these women have brought to my life online.

Joy and Love I send to all of you!

Do you blog as an act of creation?  What unexpected benefits have you received from your online presence?

Freedom without Fear

Sometimes I let my children play in our front yard.  Alone.  Unsupervised.


Occasionally a friend or family member or neighbour asks me about this practice.  They are surprised that I am not more concerned about the safety of my daughters, ages 7 1/2, 5 3/4 and 3 3/4 years.  And since I'm not concerned, I always ask "What are you worried will happen?"

Inevitably I get two responses:  That the children will get hit by a car or that one will be abducted.

Yes, I recognize the possibility that one of those two terrible events could occur.  But let's talk about them and see if we can understand those fears better.

They could get hit by a car.
Yes, they could.  If the car went out of control, mounted the sidewalk and ran through our fence.  Our street has a speed limit of 30km/h and our driveway is just 50 feet away from a stop sign, so most cars going past our house are slowing down, not travelling at high speeds.  Yes, I've heard of tragic stories where a family is on the sidewalk and is run down by a car.  I've also heard of a bus hitting a bus shelter where people were waiting.  And I've heard of children drowning in the bathtub.  And I've heard of children strapped safely into carseats who were killed in horrible collisions.  Yet, I haven't stopped walking on sidewalks or taking the bus or bathing my children or taking them out in our car.

So yes, I see the possible danger.  But it is possible.  Not imminent.


And I trust my own children.  I have been outside with them so much that I know their habits and playing styles.  I know that they won't go on the street.  I know that they won't wander down the sidewalk.  In my mind, they are as safe playing in our front yard as they are playing in the living room.

They could be abducted.
You know, I used to walk home a kilometre every day along a country road and I don't think my parents ever worried that I could be abducted.  And it's not that more children are being abducted by strangers NOW than 30 years ago.  It's more that parents are much more fearful today because when it does happen, the modern media is able to keep it in the forefront of our minds until the tragedy is concluded.

And stranger-abduction is a very, very scary possibility for any parent to imagine.  When Elizabeth Smart was abducted from her own bed and when Tori Stafford was abducted from her own school, I'm sure that each of their parents assumed their child was safe.

So why am I not afraid?  I'm not afraid because being afraid will not prevent it from happening.  And rather than scaring my children by telling them to be wary of every stranger who passes our house, I use common sense to remove my own fears.

For one thing, I have never asked my children to talk to strangers.  Now think about that for a second.  Most parents make their children answer everyone who speaks to them:  cashiers, receptionists, passengers on the bus, co-workers, teachers, etc.  Then those same parents tell their children to never talk to strangers.  How is a kid supposed to know the difference between 'good' strangers and 'bad' strangers?  To solve this conundrum, I simply never ask my children to speak to anyone if they don't want to.  I don't care if the other person is offended--I care more about the integrity of my children.

I have also made sure that my children are well acquainted with many, many of our neighbours.  They see that I am comfortable with these people, we have been in their homes and I have helped many of them or received help from them.  This type of reciprocal relationship with people who would otherwise be on the periphery of our lives teaches my children how to develop a relationship of trust with people outside of our family and close friends.  It also allows them to feel safe in their neighbourhood.

Additionally, I am totally confident that my children know their way around our community.  Many times I have let them guide us home from the playground, the toy store or the drug store.  Many times I have let them guide our walk around the neighbourhood and they always capably find their way home.  IF (and it is very unlikely) they decided to leave our property without me, I totally trust that they would stay within our immediate neighbourhood and be able to find their way home.  No, this knowledge wouldn't prevent an abduction, but it does mean that if I look out the front door and I don't see them immediately that I don't panic and phone 911.

Freedom, not Fear
Have you heard about Free Range Kids?  I like it, though I'm not there yet.  After all, my oldest child is just 7 1/2 years old, and although she is really mature and responsible for her age, she simply is not interested in going anywhere by herself for any reason whatsoever.  If the day ever comes that she says "Hey Mom!  Can I go around the corner to buy a newspaper?", I'll probably be utterly stunned.

But that's not the point.  The point is that I can't see the sense in inhibiting the free-play of my children by either keeping them indoors or by harping on them about the dangers of playing outdoors.  Do possible dangers exist?  Yes.  Do I think that they would be safer if I made them afraid of these dangers?  No.  I prefer to see their incredible joy as they revel in their constant freedom.

What do you think?  Do you feel comfortable letting your children play outdoors without hovering over them?

Compassion, Joy and Staying Connected to Yourself

Yesterday the weather here in Toronto was totally GORGEOUS so the children and I decided to go to the zoo.  We're Unschoolers, so we visit at least one of the fabulous attractions in our great city every week.

While we were there one of my daughters was doing something that I felt might create a minor danger or annoyance to other people.  I pointed out to her what she was doing and I asked her if she could see the danger and would she stop her action.  Then I left her to deliberate her next move.

But before she could do anything, an adult passing by yelled at my daughter and made a derogatory about me.

I WAS LIVID.


I can handle being insulted, but when someone who has no connection to my child chooses to intervene when I am RIGHT THERE it is a HUGE emotional trigger for me.

My usual reaction to an event like that is to let it ruin my day, my week, or even my month.  I replay it in my head over and over and over.  I make up hundreds of insults and smart-ass comments that I wish I had thrown at that intervening adult.  I degrade myself for letting that situation happen.  As days go by, every time I am out in public with my children I am suspicious of any one who looks at us because I am afraid of another confrontation.  In fact, I even let myself become so fearful of negative interactions with other people that I will deliberately avoid going out.

This time I stayed connected to myself.


Yesterday, as I felt my emotions rising and the blood rushed to my head, I took a deep breath and I blew it away.  I relaxed my shoulders, looked into my daughter's eyes and smiled.  The angry thoughts started to bubble up and I took another deep breath and I blew them away, too.  I asked my daughter what she would like to do now and she answered by skipping away down the path and calling to her sisters.

Mentally, I hugged myself.  I repeated to myself: I am not my experiences.  I am who I AM.  When I caught up to my daughter, I hugged her and I saw that her joy, her authenticity, was completely intact.

This is a big breakthrough for me!  I am so used to sabotaging my own joy that this has been a hard habit to break.  I am learning to reprogram my thoughts to stay connected to my authenticity.

Recently, two similar incidents have been the catalyst to make me more aware of how I am used to abusing myself.  First, a person from my past left a hateful and vile comment on one of my blog posts.  Later the same week I received a (gentle) reprimand for a professional mistake that I made years ago when I was an elementary school teacher.  I knew that those two events would normally have sparked a long and sad descent into self-flagellation.  I couldn't let that happen because, honestly, I have a lot to accomplish!

Instead, I found a way to be grateful for each of those events.  I experienced them as reminders to stay connected to myself, to examine who I am, and to wish joy upon the people who brought these events into my life.  I accepted with genuine gratitude that these were reminders to chose my own words carefully and to maintain my online presence as a reflection of my integrity and authenticity.

How do you stay connected to yourself when you experience a negative situation?

First I'm Superwoman. Later, I'm Supperwoman.

Welcome to the I Love Me! Carnival!

This post was written for inclusion in the I Love Me! Carnival hosted by Amy at Anktangle. This carnival is all about love of self, challenging you to lift yourself up, just for being you.

Please read to the bottom to find a list of submissions from the other carnival participants.

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I run.

I started running 9 years ago as a way to have something in common with Partner-Guy, who is a running phenom, ranking in the top 10 5km racers (in his age group) in Ontario.

But now I run for me.  I run because I am strong.  I am healthy.  I am powerful.  I am in charge of myself.  I run because running makes me into a 20-minute Superwoman.  I am Superwoman to myself.

I don't go far--only 3 to 5 km each time--and I don't go fast--my fastest time is just under 5 minutes for 1km.  But I go as hard as I can and as fast as I can and as far as I can everytime.


Some runners prefer to do a warm-up, then jog for a while and maybe pick up the pace for a few hundred meters before settling back into a jog.

Not me.

I go all out right from the start.  I run so hard that my body seems to run of its own volition.  It's exciting and exhausting, exhilarating and excruciating.  I feel like I'm going to puke and I feel like I could climb Kilimanjaro.  This is what I love about running.


I run when Partner-Guy comes home from work at around 5pm.  When my run is done, and without taking the slightest break to bask in the glow of my post-run high, I become Supperwoman.

I cook.

Yes, Supperwoman cooks every night.  There is never food on our dinner table that was prepared anywhere other than my own kitchen.  No take-out.  No delivery.  No frozen entrees from the grocery store.

You see, Superwoman and Supperwoman are closely related.  They depend on each other for nurturing, inspiration and fortitude.  In the past week, acting as Supperwoman, I've fed myself and my family curry chicken, homemade pizza, jamaican sweet potato stew, BBQ pulled pork, squash soup and honey-garlic ribs.  These meals were in addition to the bread, cookies and muffins that are always homemade.  And of course there's the canned tomato sauce and salsa, as well as the frozen vegetables I took the time to preserve this summer.  We eat well!

Superwoman depends on Supperwoman to keep her at her best.  I love me enough to take care of me by exercising and by eating top quality, healthy foods.  I treat my body with absolute respect and admiration--it birthed four babes, after all--and my body thanks me by giving me strength to do everything that I need to, day after day after day.  Taking care of my body simultaneously ministers to my heart and to my mind, also.  My fuzzy brain clears as I run.  My heart fuels with love as I feed myself with delicious, healthy food.  It's not about dieting or losing weight--it's about being my best self everyday so that my children can grow up with a mother who is always on the top of her game.

I run and I cook.

This is what self-care looks like to me.

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Thank you for reading this post from the I Love Me! Carnival. Please take some time to read the contributions from the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated by the afternoon of October 28th with all the carnival links.)

• The Art of Being Thoughtful – Becky at Old New Legacy likes that she is mostly thoughtful but wants to become more thoughtful. She shares a story that demonstrates that giving gifts doesn't have to be expensive.
• I love me (and running)! – Sheryl of Little Snowflakes writes about her new love of running and how it has helped her learn to love herself!
• For the Love of Moe – Valerie at Momma in Progress shares her thoughts on a body forever changed, but forever loved.
• Where I Find My Worth – Sarah at Parenting God's Children shares how finding her worth in worldly things always falls short.
• Oh Yeah, I'm Cool – Tree at Mom Grooves shares her very favorite gift and the thing she most wants to pass on to her daughter.
• Loving – Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis talks about some of the things she loves about herself - some easily, and some by choice for the sake of healing.
• caught in a landslide – jaqbuncad of wakey wakey, eggs and bakey! shares a list of reasons why zie loves hir body.
• I Love Me! - A Rampage of Appreciation! – Terri at Child of the Nature Isle stops waiting for anyone else to tell her she is wonderful and goes on a rampage of appreciation for herself!
• Raising Healthy Daughters – In a guest post at Natural Parents Network, Kate Wicker offers tips to pass on a healthy self-image to the young ladies in our care.
• Unexpected Benefits of a Healthy Pregnancy – How does it feel to have a healthy pregnancy? Dionna at Code Name: Mama discovers that making positive choices can be empowering.
• Filling Up Our Watering Cans – Nada at miniMOMist believes that practicing Sabbath is the same as being a gardener who lovingly tends to the flowers in her garden. She needs to fill up her watering can first.
• Better Body by Baby – Jess from Mama 'Roo and Family Too! shares how having her first baby makes her feel even more beautiful and confident about her body than ever before.
• These Breasts Were Made for Nursing – Becoming a mother helped Mandy from Living Peacefully with Children to embrace her womanhood and improve her self image.
• Yeah, I'm Pretty Cool – Amanda at Let's Take the Metro writes about her own self love and how she hopes to foster the same self-respect in her children.
• Who I've Become – The future is bright with That Mama Gretchen who shares her past and present perspective on body image and how she hopes to become a change agent with her daughter.
• Ever-Evolving Me – Joella at Fine and Fair writes to her daughter about her innate drive to continue learning, growing, and evolving.
• I love you for your mind – Lauren at Hobo Mama turns a dubious phrase on its head with a little self-loving slam poetry.
• Stop Think of Love with Your Body – Amy of Peace 4 Parents shares an exercise to gradually transition from hating to loving your body - stretch marks, sags, imperfections, and all.
• I Love Me! – Jenny @ I'm a full-time mummy shares the things that she loves about herself!
• First, I'm Superwoman. Later, I'm Supperwoman – Patti @ Jazzy Mama explains how she loves taking care of her amazing body. It birthed 4 children, after all!
• Baby Strikes A Pose – Emma from Your Fonder Heart writes about her family's decision not to let their 7 month old model, and uses the opportunity to think more deeply about girls (young and old) and how they determine their self-worth.
• Love Your Tree – How do you picture the ways your body and mind change? Amy at Anktangle writes about how trees help her have perspective about her own growth over time.
• Pumpkin Butt – Zoie at TouchstoneZ writes about how birth and pumpkins are the way to accepting her body
• I do love me – Shannon at Pineapples & Artichokes talks about the lessons about loving herself she wants to pass along to her daughter.
• Appreciating Who I Am – Linni at An Unschooling Adventure describes the things she likes about herself and the way she appreciates who she is as a person.
• I love me! : A journey – Christine at African Babies Don't Cry shares her journey on arriving at the point where she can say: I love me!
• My Daughter Doesn't Care So Why Should I? – Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama calls herself on the carpet for the image of self love and beauty she portrays in front of her toddler.
• Finding out who I am – Melissa at Vibrant Wanderings shares an exercise that helped her identify positive qualities she possesses, and how that has helped her learn to love herself.

What are my Unschooled Kids Learning?

I don't do academic lessons with my children.  You won't find me sitting at the table showing them how to do addition problems or asking them to sound out the words in a reader.  You won't find spelling tests or guided reading assessments or math tests or science quizzes in our house.  We have loads and loads of books but I've never asked my children to show me if they can read any of them.


So how do I know they are learning?

Academic Learning

• Yesterday Anna (7 years) read the titles of 4 episodes from a favourite DVD box and Holly (5 years) completed a colour-by-number picture without asking me to read the colours for her.  Honestly, I don't know if either girl was reading by sounding out the words, guessing based on the initial letter of the words, memory from previous knowledge or experience or if they were really reading.  It doesn't matter.  It was reading.  Reading is when your eyes and your brain work together to make ideas out of symbols.  They did that.

• At the grocery store I bought 2 boxes of  12 taco shells.  Holly looked at them and said, "Wow.  24. That's a lot of tacos."  I'm pretty sure she didn't whip out a pencil and paper and make a sum to find the solution.  She did it in her head.  Math.

• Jasmine (3 years) wanted to make a card for her grandmother who is planning to visit us next week.  She asked me "What are the numbers for 'Mimi'?"  I said, "M-I-M-I."  When I looked later, she had written the letters correctly.  I have literally never gone over the alphabet with her.  I didn't even know which letters she knew!  Technically, she doesn't know the difference between numbers and letters, but does it matter?  I mean, she's 3!

These are just small examples of ways that my children are able to learn without coercion and ways that I observe their newly-acquired skills without testing them.  Their scientific knowledge is also astounding! To listen to them talk about life cycles, habitats, predators and prey, wildlife conservation, tree species and outer space, you would be amazed at their knowledge and ability to access prior knowledge when in new situations.  For example, recently I heard the three sisters discussing why it is 'OK' (in their opinions) for the zoo to keep some animals in captivity if their natural habitats are being destroyed because "wouldn't the animals rather at least be ALIVE, even if they have to live in a zoo?"  Quite fascinating insight for such youngsters!


Non-Academic Learning
By far, the most incredible areas of learning in my three oldest children are gross-motor skills and artistic expression.


We are a very physically active family so our children have plenty of opportunities to develop their physical abilities.  My three daughters are all confident swimmers in deep water, all without a single swimming lesson from an instructor.  They cycle, they ride scooters and they are all excellent climbers.  Recently Jasmine climbed a ladder and walked across the roof of our shed.  Her dad was nearby but she got on and off the ladder by herself.  She felt confident that she could handle it and we trusted her instincts.


I'm actually more amazed by the physical prowess and coordination they exhibit than their academic/intellectual abilities.  I mean, I'm smart so I kind of expected them to be smart.  But I am TOTALLY non-athletic, so their confidence when approaching a new physical skill is entirely incredible to me.

I am equally amazed by their artistic skills and confidence.  Holly has recently discovered that she can use perspective to show that some objects are behind others in her pictures.  She can also use eyebrows and mouth shapes to show different facial expressions.  Anna draws pictures of such incredible detail--leaves, petals, feathers.  They love to show me their pictures and my awe is genuine.  I can remember as a child seeing the drawings of my classmates and feeling so inadequate because I could not draw like them.  The art of my children has never been critiqued nor compared to the drawings of other children, so they draw with wild abandon and utter authenticity.  It is truly a joy to witness.


What wonderful new skills have your Unschooled children recently displayed?