The One Where I'm Shamelessly Self-Promoting....

My new website is LIVE!

I'm still working on uploading more content and getting my e-books and audios linked to their graphics.

I would be SO THRILLED if you would head over and take a look around?

www.canadianunschooler.com

While you're there, will you leave your email?  You'll instantly receive an AUDIO and a PDF Report...FREE!!

I'm planning to ask a few of my blogging-mommy friends if you would be willing to promote my new site during the week of my launch:  around April 1.  Let me know if you'd like a guest post or a little blurb to put on your FB page.  Thanks, friends!  I love you all so much and I look forward to serving you with more Unschooling information over on my new site.

Freedom and joy to you all!

ETFO's Ultimate Block Party

This past June, the Elementary Teachers' Federation of Ontario -- the union in which I used to be an active member -- hosted an Ultimate Block Party at Fort York National Historic Site in downtown Toronto.  Community organizations and individual artists partnered with ETFO to set up 25 play centres where children could take part in all kinds of play:  music, art, drama, and dance;  science experiments, physical play, adventure play, and story telling.  The entire event was free and all teachers' families were invited.

I did not attend with my children.

It's not that I think the event was inherently bad.  In fact, the activities were phenomenal!  Mountains of Lego, art supplies galore, awesome building supplies, science investigations with REAL microscopes and other exploratory tools and devices.  I would love to have access to all those wonderful things for my children on a regular basis.  But, just as importantly, I would love it if every child had non-stop access to the tools of creation, investigation and imagination every day.


You see, ETFO's event was great, except that it took the same old attitude that all the 'experts' take:  that children should have time to play, but not all the time and not unsupervised and not without sharing and taking turns.  


You see, for PLAY to really be the source of learning for young children, they need three things:
TIME, PRIVACY and SPONTANEITY.  They need as much time as they want, they need to be alone so that they don't fall into the trap of just doing what everyone else is doing, and they need to be able to choose their activities whenever their own spirit moves them to participate.


What if the first five years of 'formal education' were a non-stop ultimate block party?  I mean, just imagine it!  Kids ages 4-9 years old who build, create, draw, imagine and MOVE all day long.  They would have the option of sitting for a story if they wanted or they could print some letters if they wanted but they would have the freedom to choose their own activities all day long.  There would be no report cards because the concept of 'progress' would be irrelevant.  It wouldn't matter if a child wanted to build with Lego for 6 months solid because Who knows? Maybe she'll grow up to be a world-renowned architect!  Another child wants to spend a whole year painting pictures?  Magnificent!  Perhaps he'll be an artistic designer! And what if a child spends a year running around from one activity to another with no real purpose or specific interest?  Fantastic!  A well-rounded citizen in the making!

But what about reading and writing?  Oh, come on.  Do children have to learn to read and write when they are 6 years old because otherwise they'll never be literate?  What if the next 5 years of school focused on just 2 areas:  technology and communication.  Aren't those the two most important skills anyone will need in our ever-changing world twenty years from now?  And what if 5 more years of FREE education were spent letting the children pursue whatever subjects they were interested in, perhaps with expert mentors?

We're Unschoolers, but what I've just described is the FLOW that I envision for my children as they grow into adults.  Right now, they are given access to as many adventures and investigations and opportunities to create as I can find and afford.  Whatever they express interest in doing or seeing or exploring, I find a way to make it happen.  I read if they ask me to and I help with printing words if they ask me to.  They do not use computers and we don't own video games.  In a few more years, I open up the world of technology to them by buying them digital cameras, a cam-corder and likely a laptop.  We will engage in communication via the Internet to learn about people all over the world.  And as they become teenagers I envision them following their passions and continuing to learn whatever they want.

What if they flounder around and don't show interest in anything?  Then I will continue to provide a loving, nurturing home environment where I will support them in any endeavour.  I will value them as unique, compassionate, curious people.  I will treasure their contributions to humanity.

I weep for the way that traditional schooling destroys the lives of children.  Strong language?  Not to me.  Unless the modern system of education MODERNIZES in the manner I suggest, we will continue to churn out young people who are totally prepared to live in 1960.

Ingenuity, imagination and communication are the way of the future.  And until the schools throw out their textbooks, their archaic rules of discipline, their ridiculous heavy emphasis on early literacy and their stranglehold on creativity in favour of forced conformity, we will continue to see a society that is struggling to move forward.

Are you considering Unschooling?  What are you doing to keep your eye on the Future as your child plays today?

I've Stopped Telling People That We are Homeschoolers

You know Homeschoolers, right?

Every September the Homeschool-Mama cranks up the curriculum machine, laying out plans for the learning patterns of her children.  She buys books, kits and activities.  She schedules lessons and playgroups.  She wears her school-at-home hat and the children sit at the table and do school-at-home.

And that's fine if you really are a Homeschool-Mama and your kids really do school-at-home.


But to be honest, I'm operating from a completely different paradigm.

I'm operating from the perspective of Trust.  I'm trusting my children to learn whatever they feel inclined to learn whenever they feel motivated to learn it.  I provide a rich, full life and then I get out of the way and I watch with amazement as my children demonstrate and assimilate their literacy skills, their gross motor skills, their imaginations, their compassion and cooperation, their joy and excitement, their meaningful lives.


Yesterday we were at the Ontario Science Centre.  On a Monday there are two kinds of people there:  school groups and moms with tots.  My older children stand out because they are not part of those two groups.  So inevitably, someone asks "Are you off school today?"  and they (or I) will answer "No.  We don't go to school."  And inevitably the next reply is "Oh, you're homeschoolers."

So I've stopped saying "Yes."  Saying Yes, we are Homeschoolers implies a whole lot of things about the parent-child relationship in our home that our NOT TRUE.  It implies that I am imposing something onto my children that I'm simply not.

Why was I saying "Yes" in the first place?  Because of fear and accommodation.  I was fearful of putting an idea out that other people wouldn't understand so I would accommodate them with an answer that would make them feel comfortable.

Well, no more.

My new answer is "No.  We learn together wherever we are."

It's a small thing, this decision to be authentic about our learning.  But it matters to me.  I can't show my children that I am unwilling to be honest just because I can't be bothered to give an authentic answer.  My children know about Homeschooling because we know families who choose that model for their home-based learning.  So obviously they know that it is a lie for me to tell people that we are Homeschoolers.  I have to be honest for their sakes.

But I also have to be honest because I think that it is important to let the world know that we who are the non-conformists will not be silenced or lumped together for the comfort levels of those who choose the status quo.  I don't hide that I breastfeed or that I believe homebirth can be a safe option or that I don't poison my children with colours and chemicals disguised as food.

I've never pretended that the parenting path I've chosen is easy.  It is hard to know that mainstream culture has no framework for understanding the paradigm I've chosen to live.  But just like it took the parents who said "We will not spank" to make the major shift in mainstream parenting that now frowns on spanking, it will take parents like me who say "We will not control and coerce our children's learning" to make a shift in the general parenting consciousness.

I'm will to contribute to that change, even if it takes me (and other people) out of our comfort zones.

Want to Destroy your Child's Creativity? Send Her to School

My opinion:
The curriculum and the structure of the school day work cohesively to stifle and destroy the natural creativity and curiosity of children. And as if that wasn't enough, the teachers and other children would effectively smother it anyway.I'm sure that writers and researchers who are far smarter than I am have written epics about how children are naturally curious and how important creative play is for their development. My own experiences with my children would actually prompt me to say that the opportunity for creative expression is as fundamental to child development as learning how to walk and talk.

My children can spend hours with paper, scissors, glue sticks, glitter, markers, stickers, pipe cleaners, play dough, plasticine, paint, popsicle sticks, toilet paper rolls and anything else that they can turn into art. They paint pine cones. They glue dried beans and seeds. They cut wrapping paper, magazines and boxes. They make cards for their cousins and grandparents. They make presents for their imaginary friends. They drip glue and they spill the glitter. They get messy.

And they DRAW.  Their drawings look nothing like the standard stick-figures and triangle-on-top-of-a-square houses that are common for other children their age.  My children have never seen the way that other children draw and I have never critiqued their drawings.  As a result, they are completely uninhibited in their creations.  And they draw prolificly.  In the last year, Anna and Holly have filled more than 80 36-page drawing tablets with carefully drawn masterpieces.  Many of the books have been made into stories:  Anna and Holly narrate each picture or series of pictures and I write down their stories for them.  Creative writing, anyone?

The point is, they do it because it is fundamentally in them to do it. I don't make them sit at the table and do a craft, draw a picture or write a story. I leave them alone to do whatever they want with whatever materials they choose. Very occasionally Anna, Holly or Jasmine will ask me to make something with her or to help her make something that she has seen on TV. Mostly they do not want to me interfere.

And isn't this the opposite of what would happen at school? In a Kindergarten setting, Holly would have access to about 1/100 of the materials that she has at home. And she would be lucky to have 20 minutes of 'creative time' before she was told to clean up because she and the rest of the class would have to move on to 'library time' or 'gym time'. So much for creativity.

And in the higher grades (I have taught Visual Art in Grades 5 - 8) there is no opportunity for creative artistic expression at all because the curriculum dictates what type of art the students must produce. Students are rarely motivated to produce the required pieces because the assignments are boring and trite, or else they are so sophisticated that the students don't even want to try to produce them for fear of not meeting the 'standard'. There are no other opportunities to be creative in the form of visual expression. Even projects are judged and critiqued for their relevance to the curriculum, and their creative expression is given no value.

And what about curiosity? Teachers have no time to answer the questions of curious children. And besides that, the teachers have curriculum to cover; they simple cannot have 20+ children all doing something different according to their individual curiosity, interests, strengths and inclinations. Also, other students are inclined to ridicule the children who show 'too much' interest in school and certain subject areas. The social 'rules' of the classroom restrict a child's natural enthusiasm for any area of study.

The term 'creative writing' is one of the biggest oxymorons that exists in school. How can a child write creatively when she knows she is writing for one purpose only? So that the teacher can mark what she has written. The Literacy Coaches and Consultants are always talking about how to motivate kids to write. My suggestion would be "Leave them alone."

It's a wonder that any person leaves highschool and goes on to become a graphic designer or a visual artist or a novelist or have any other type of career that involves creative expression. I have heard so many adults say "I'm not very creative" and I now know that that's because their natural creativity was destroyed in their early years in school. Creativity that is unappreciated or that is treated as irrelevant is soon hidden away by its owner.

Want to foster and protect creativity?  Never offer judgement on what your child produces.  Provide materials, opportunity and time.  Engage your own creativity by writing, knitting, painting or whatever interests you.  Show that you value the creative self-expression of others.

And, if you can, don't send your child to school.

It's Not Necessary to Control Children {Even Though Schools Try To}

I'm not a big fan of Public Education.  Maybe you've already noticed?

Let's talk today about another of the hidden agendas of education.

Classroom Management is a euphemism for control.


Which is fine if you think that children need to be controlled. Which I don't.

Teachers' reputations are defined by whether or not they have good classroom management, which means whether or not their students are orderly, do as they are told, are 'on task' when required to be, don't get too noisy and more or less get along with each other in the room. It also means that teachers are expected to make their classes comply with school rules, even when the rules don't have much context within the confines of the classroom.

For example, if it's 5 minutes before the students are dismissed for the day and the principal walks into the room to deliver a message to somebody, and she sees one kid eating an apple and another kid wearing a baseball cap, then this makes the teacher look bad because apparently wearing hats and eating apples are forbidden under the school rules, even though the teacher might find it perfectly acceptable. So the principal may come in and enforce the nonsensical rules in the name of 'maintaining control' but it's really all about her having the power and the student's having none.

If someone would like to leave me a comment to explain why children should NOT eat when they are hungry and NOT wear outdoor attire 5 minutes before going outdoors, I'd love to read it.

I don't find it necessary to control my children. I'm not the mother at the playground yelling "Why don't you go on the slide?" or the mother at the grocery store trying to force her child to say "Thank you" to a total stranger who happened to pick up her hat off the floor. I instruct my children regarding their behaviour only when there is an issue of safety or when there are certain social considerations. For example, they know that if they burp in public they should say "Excuse me" but at home they don't have to if they don't want to. Why have a double standard? Because it's not worth fighting about.

But at school the teacher can't have some rules for some kids and some rules for others. And the teacher can't pick some rules to allow to be 'broken' in the class, but 'upheld' elsewhere on school property. There are two reasons for this. One, as I mentioned before, is that the teacher's reputation has a lot to do with how well-controlled the class is. Two, it is nearly impossible to administer the required curriculum without keeping all the children under the teacher's thumb by way of enforcing a lot of otherwise arbitrary and demeaning rules.

Let's take the rule about children not being allowed to eat in class. Why is this so important? Don't most adults eat when they are hungry, regardless of where they are? Is it because of the potential for a mess to be created? Then why don't we just expect the kids to clean up after themselves, and then enforce that rule? Is it because when a child is eating, he isn't working? Well, who can learn anything on an empty stomach? Is it because it's not fair if some kids didn't bring something to eat? Well, in that case, the hungry kids will likely remember to bring a snack for the next day if they feel jealous of the kids who are eating!!

The only place I've ever been as an adult with my children where eating is forbidden is the Royal Ontario Museum, where the rule is not arbitrary, as food residue could lead to the deterioration of the exhibits.

What about the rule about standing in a silent straight line? The only time I've ever been silent in a straight line was at a funeral and it didn't take me from Kindergarten to Grade 8 to learn how to stand still and be quiet.

What about rules regarding bathroom breaks? Can you imagine as an adult being told by your boss that you weren't allowed to go to the bathroom? Yet children are denied bathroom privileges all the time. They are expected to go at recess or lunch, unless it's an emergency. Like any kid is going to admit in front of the whole class that it's an emergency.

In my opinion, parents and teachers try to control children because of their own fear. The adults are afraid of what the children will do if they are not controlled. For teachers responsible for large groups of children who all come from different backgrounds and experiences, the fear is somewhat legitimate. But as a parent, I don't fear my children's behaviour. Mostly, I'm delighted by their behaviour, even when it is unexpected, unusual or unbecoming. If they act in a way that is generally considered to be 'socially unacceptable' then I am there to connect, instruct or console, depending on the circumstances. Since I accept that they act on the outside because of how they feel on the inside, I usually try to determine the inner feelings that precipitated the behaviour. Then I deal with the feelings, which always solves the behaviour problem.

The more rules a child has to follow, the more rules she is likely to break. That just makes sense. And the more nonsensical the rules are, the more likely she is to ignore them. Especially if the rules happen to make her feel physically uncomfortable or emotionally vulnerable.

I have no worries whatsoever about my children growing up to have manners, to recognize and show respect to authority at appropriate times and to get along with their peers and associates. They don't have to spend 10,000 hours (the approximate number of hours a child spends in school from Kindergarten to Grade 8) having it arbitrarily and dictatorially drilled into them by strangers.

Unschool Lessons: Goals

As an Unschooling parent, I don`t follow a curriculum or teach lessons. I don`t look for ways to turn our experiences into `learning moments`. But I don`t take my responsibility for the futures of my children lightly. Unschooling is not the lazy sister of homeschooling. This series of posts will highlight some of the lessons that I hope my children will learn in their Unschooled lives.


Lesson #5: A child with a goal can probably handle it.
Probably among the deepest core values that I learned from my parents is that 'hard work' is nothing to be afraid of. In many ways that attitude served me well. I worked hard at school to get good marks, I had a job beginning at age 13 (and I wasn't unemployed once in the following 24 years), and I paid for 4 years of university by myself, without any gifts or loans. As a teacher I always performed at a high level in my jobs, and often took on additional responsibilities. And in my life with my kids I have no problem doing the work necessary to give us a comfortable life: cooking, cleaning, laundry, going here and there, making a garden, etc, etc.

There's a bit of irony in the way the school system seems to value students who work hard to achieve good marks, yet the same system is committed to making the work accessible to all kids. Teachers call this process 'dumbing it down.' Essentially, it means that even though the curriculum documents are written with a specific list of outcomes and expectations, the teachers are expected (instructed!) to modify the content so that all the children can successfully complete the work. In fact, students in Special Education Programs are taught from a curriculum specifically created so that each child can achieve a mark of 'B' or 'B+'.

So I'm not going to go into a long explanation of all the reasons why schools are sending out mixed messages to kids about the meaning of hard work and how this is not good for kids. What I am going to point out is that whatever goals I set for myself (such as living a greener lifestyle) I have to be willing to do the work to achieve the goal. And whatever goals my children have, I have to be willing to do the hard work to assist them. (Actually, when I first decided to try to live a greener lifestyle, my plan was to turn my lawn into a vegetable garden. This plan was completely derailed when it became apparent that nothing will grow in our lawn due to the presence of two enormous Manitoba Maples. So sometimes revising the plan is part of the hard work.  We are now going green in other ways.)

I actually think it's only adults who define work as hard, since children are more likely to persist at an activity or goal that is really meaningful to them. Children can have some pretty interesting goals. For example, my daughter Jasmine was determined to learn how to swim when she was just 2 years old.  Every week we took her to a pool where she would jump in and swim to the best of her ability.  Now, at 3.5 years old, she is a better swimmer than either of her older sisters.  She had a goal and we facilitated her desire by providing access to a pool on a regular basis.

If I had told her that she was too little to learn to swim, or if I had acted like helping her with her goal was too much work for me (getting to the pool, getting cold in the water, trudging back home) then I'd have been sending her the message that goals which require hard work are not achievable. I would also be sending her the message that she is not important enough for me to help. Obviously I would not want to send either of those messages.

What I really hope is that the tenacity and resilience that my children (all children, perhaps?) seem to naturally possess will not be undermined by exposing them to only simple, very achievable goals, such as they would experience at school. By letting them set their own goals while still young and then giving them the tools to pursue their goals, I hope their tenacity and resilience will remain intact throughout their lives. And I think they will discover that factoring in the hard work is part of setting the goal in the first place.

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Unschool Lessons: Preparing for the Future

As an Unschooling parent, I don`t follow a curriculum or teach lessons. I don`t look for ways to turn our experiences into `learning moments`. But I don`t take my responsibility for the futures of my children lightly. Unschooling is not the lazy sister of homeschooling. This series of posts will highlight some of the lessons that I hope my children will learn in their Unschooled lives.

Lesson #4: Your (and my) life's work is NOW, not at some point in the distant future.


When I was in school the prevailing lie that we were all brainwashed into believing was that those who do well in school will go on to be successful later in life. This is the whole 'good job syndrome' --the idea that getting a good job is the highest goal we can all attain. My earliest memory of this refrain being sung at school was in Grade 5: "If you don't do well in school, how will you get a good job?" I heard it for the next 12 years. Then I went to work as a teacher and sang the same tune to my students.

There are two problems with this line of thinking. The first problem is that there are lots of kids who don't excel at school-related learning, so it is very defeating to them if they buy into the belief that success at school = success in life. If you grow up believing that you will be a failure, it's very likely going to be true. The second problem is that it makes kids believe that their life is in the future. More specificly, it means that the only goals that matter will happen when they are adults. If that is the case, what is the point of childhood? Is there no value in childhood, except to prepare youngsters to get a job when they grow up?

If children are really to grow up to be adults whose lives are fully meaningful, then I believe that they must grow up believing that their lives have meaning right now. I believe that their life's work is everyday. The value of this lesson is in valuing the focus of your child's energy for it's own sake, and not for how it prepares your child to achieve some future hypothetical goal.  What I am learning is to value the daily activities that have nothing to do with academics and have everything to do with intellect and relationships and having a good time.

A perfect example is the way Anna(7yrs) and Holly(5.5yrs) can invent a different game everyday that involves emptying all the DVDs out of the drawer under the TV. How amazing that in one week they have used the DVDs to play video store, build castles, make podiums for the Barbie dolls, be surprise presents for 'their kids' and as a form of currency. Fascinating. There is no reason for me to get annoyed at constantly having to pick up and put away (after tripping over or walking around) all the DVDs all week long because I am so amazed by the creativity of a 7-year-old and a 5-year-old that I can deal with the mess. They are living out their lives in the fullest possible way and I would rather pick up DVDs than wipe away tears or pay big money to have them entertained elsewhere. At this stage, their life's work is to play creatively and build their relationship with each other.

Another example is the way that Jasmine (3.5yrs) is so dedicated to the development of her gross motor skills.  Already she can swim under water, dive and do the front crawl.  She rides a 2-wheeled scooter and a bicycle.  She can climb a ladder and walk across the garage roof.  She is fearless.  Her life's work is to accomplish whatever she wants to, and she is doing it!

My children's life's work is also to love and be loved. What a great job!! If only we were all as loving and lovable as children who are free of stress and unreasonable expectations. Whether they ever have a good job, or even a bad job for that matter, is not going to be dependent on how much random information can be crammed into their brains while they are young. It's going to depend on how they esteem themselves and what their personal values are. If they value their own authenticity and their important relationships, and if they know that they are loved unconditionally, then jobs are going to be secondary in their pursuit of their goals. They are going to grow up confident enough to honour their authenticity (by not doing a job that they hate) and to honour their relationships (by not doing a job that puts a strain on maintaining closeness).

I also think that if I honour their authenticity while they are young, the possibilities are endless for what they might accomplish before they are adults. Everytime I think of Craig and Marc Keilburger, who began their Me to We campaign as children, I have to assume that their authenticity was totally honoured by their parents. Those two great young men make me mindful of the fact that kids are people too, and they don't have to reach a certain age, or a certain level of education, to accomplish great things, to be greatand to have a great life.

The greatness of my children is now. My job is only to stay out of the way as they accomplish their life's work.

Unschool Lessons: Liberal Arts

As an Unschooling parent, I don`t follow a curriculum or teach lessons. I don`t look for ways to turn our experiences into `learning moments`. But I don`t take my responsibility for the futures of my children lightly. Unschooling is not the lazy sister of homeschooling. This series of posts will highlight some of the lessons that I hope my children will learn in their Unschooled lives.



Lesson #3: The needs of the weakest/youngest/injured always come first.

This may not seem like a subject on a curriculum, but I believe it is one of the most important lessons we can all learn.  The Liberal Arts are broadly defined by the acquisition of general knowledge and the development of rational thought and intellectual capabilities.  For me, rational thought requires knowing one's place in relation to others.  Our futures are only as successful as our meaningful relationships, so rational thought and intellectual development must include the ability to value our own needs and to assess each situation based on what is best for all concerned. 

Children are by nature egocentric and it is hard for them to be patient or to put someone else's needs ahead of their own. But children are also naturally empathetic, and I believe that their empathy can lead them to be patient. In a family with 4 children under the age of 7, it is a rare moment when no one needs something or when everyone's needs are met at the same time, so I have to have a way of sorting out who will get my attention first.  I also want my children to learn that while all of their needs are important, there is, in fact, a hierarchy of needs.

This philosophy came to me when Holly was born just 20 months after Anna. Anna was essentially still a baby herself and needed my full attention, yet she had to share me with someone else. Knowing I would easily feel overwhelmed by trying to fulfill each one's needs at the same time, I decided that I would not weigh each situation before reacting, but rather that I would establish the 'rule' and then follow it. This rule has definitely helped me to keep my wits about me when four little people are yelling at me at the same time.

But this is much more than just a way to make my family operate smoothly. As far as curriculum goes, it is a world view, a lens through which to study history, religion, culture, economics and politics. Imagine if all the world's governments committed to ensuring that the needs of the weakest, youngest or injured in society were always taken care of first. People before profit. This is not a new or even an original idea. And I've never been much of a social activist, but it just makes so much sense that 21st century children should grow up with a sense of social justice and an ability to rank their needs amongst the needs of others.

This is the complete opposite of the way needs are met in the school system. There, the prevailing rule is "The person with the most power has needs that are more important than everyone else." In practice, this means that the loudest, most obnoxious child will always get the most attention. Or, when a child is put in a Special Education class, the needs of the teachers are being met, not the needs of the child. (Having a child's lack of intellectual ability publicized by separating him/her from peers is a great way to destroy a child's self esteem. What's the motivation to learn when everyone already thinks you're dumb? But segregating the slower learners sure does make it easier on the teachers!!)

Notice how adult society follows the same pattern as schools for first meeting the needs of the strongest or most attention-seeking.  Do you think politicians have to wait for medical treatment? When a mother lets her baby 'cry it out' whose needs are being met first? Is the formula industry putting people before profit?

Making my older children put their needs on hold while I tend to the baby has worked in so far as they know that I will do what they want, but not while Julian is nursing or going to sleep or otherwise needing attention. And when someone gets hurt, everything around us stops while that one is comforted. Even when there is a fight (there honestly aren't very many) I ask them to talk to each other about why they are upset, and then I can easily determine who the injured party is, or often just talking about it is enough to end it. So far so good!! Even Julian has experienced having to wait while I help someone who is sick or hurt.

So Lesson #3 gives us a context in which to study all of the social sciences. I'm excited about exploring history, culture, religion, economics and politics with my children. I expect to learn as much as they do and I am looking forward to their original insights, rather than hearing them express the one 'right' answer or opinion that dominates teacher-led study of the curriculum.  Mostly, I look forward to observing them show compassion and solve problems with a mind towards honouring the youngest or weakest.

If only The World could be so simple....

Unschool Lessons: Reading

As an Unschooling parent, I don't follow a curriculum or teach lessons.  I don't look for ways to turn our experiences into 'learning moments'.  But I don`t take my responsibility for the futures of my children lightly.  Unschooling is not the lazy sister of homeschooling. This series of posts will highlight some of the lessons that I hope my children will learn in their Unschooled lives.


Lesson #2: Reading is one activity that people do for entertainment or education. It is not at the top of a hierarchy of ways that children learn.

The public school system is obsessed with books. Huge money is spent on Early Literacy Programs. Librarians spend hours teaching kids how to 'take care of books'. (What is it--a pet?) Kids are tested on their ability to use a glossary or an index. They have to keep a log of how many minutes per week they spend reading. Some schools have a program called DEAR--Drop Everything And Read. Non-fiction is valued above fiction, which is valued above comics or magazines.

Enough already.

While there is some evidence that children who are good readers are usually good in all subjects, there is no evidence that making kids read is good for them. The way the school system coerces and manipulates kids to read is really a problem in my opinion and it's no wonder that kids tend to resist it.  Wouldn't you resist something that you were constantly forced, coerced and bribed to do?

Our house is full of books and we regularly let our children pick out new books to buy. They read whenever they want and they sometimes ask me to read to them. They read to their dolls, to each other and to themselves. If they are watching something on TV and we have a book with the same story, they will hold the book on their laps and turn the pages when it's appropriate.

I must add here that when I say 'read' I mean 'look at', since neither Anna(7yrs) nor Holly(5.5yrs) is able to read independently yet. Nonetheless, they are both able to spend significant time--more than 30 minutes, more than once a day--engaged with books. Often they say the story in their own words as they turn the pages, or they narrate the pictures in books they are less familiar with. But they also ask each other to point to certain objects on the page, or they create other games with books such as pretending the book is a TV, or pretending that the book is talking to them. Who am I to say that one way of reading is better than another?

We don't have a specific time every day for scheduled reading. We also don't have a specific time for scheduled eating, sleeping or playing. We eat when we're hungry, sleep when we're tired and engage in whatever we're interested in the rest of the time. I don't quiz them about the content of books we read, and I don't try to make them do inferring, predicting or character analysis. I don't rush to grab a book every time someone asks a question about penguins or pirates. And I never act like reading is a more important or worthwhile activity than dressing up dolls, making playdough cookies or watching TV. The girls see me reading books, magazines and at the computer. They also see me cooking, knitting, painting, writing, scrapbooking and doing other activities that I enjoy significantly less than those I've mentioned.

The lesson here is that we are not ranking literacy as more important than any other skill our children will naturally want to develop. They are also developing gross and fine motor skills and spatial sense and personal history and cultural expectations. Why would I try to make them learn one set of skills when they are more naturally inclined to learn another at this time? I didn't rush them when they were learning to walk, and I won't rush them to learn to read and write either. Kids learn to read because people read, just as they learned to walk because people walk, just as they will learn to use a computer because people use computers.

They are people, after all.

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Lesson #1:  Science is Everything.

Unschool Lessons: Science

As an Unschooling parent, I don`t follow a curriculum or teach lessons.  I don`t look for ways to turn our experiences into `learning moments`.  But I don`t take my responsibility for the futures of my children lightly.  Unschooling is not the lazy sister of homeschooling.  This series of posts will highlight some of the lessons that I hope my children will learn in their Unschooled lives.

Lesson #1: Science is not a subject. Everything is SCIENCE.

I'm not sure how I went to school from age 5 to 22 and I don't know anything useful about the domain of science. In fact, not only do I not know anything useful, I don't even remember what we studied. I have some vague recollections of dissecting a fish in Grade 9 and of doing a science fair project in Grade 7 on the necessary conditions to make yeast rise.

What I didn't learn in school (either because it wasn't in the curriculum or because I simply didn't retain what was taught) is staggering. Among the science-related questions I have recently considered are:

What is air pressure?

How do I obtain the right humidity level in my house?

What are the different kinds of clouds and what do they have to do with the weather?

Why does washing clothes in hot water 'set' the stain, and how do I get mustard out of cotton shirts?

What's the difference between baking soda and baking powder and why can't they be used interchangeably and why do some recipes call for both?

What are the names of the trees (and birds and butterflies and wildflowers) that are native to Ontario?

At our house, science is based on inquiry rather than facts. In other words, it's not about answering the question, it's about asking the question. We have a lot of conversations like this:

Me: I wonder why the cookies that bake on the left side of the oven always come out darker than the cookies on the right side of the oven.

Anna: I don't know. Why?

Me: I don't know either. I just wonder.

I am building our collection of resources to learn about our environment.  We have many books and magazines that are related to science and we use the computer as an important resource.  The other day we saw a very extraordinary wasp with a long tail at the playground and when we came home we searched for it online and discovered that it was not dangerous to humans.  I want my kids to ask the questions and to know how to find the answers that matter to them.

My experience as a teacher (1996-2004, 2007) has definitely left me with the impression that schools do not do nearly enough to cover the science and technology part of the curriculum. The current trend is that every aspect of the curriculum should be tied into literacy development. This means that the 150 or so minutes per week that the students spend 'studying science' is dedicated in large part to reading and writing. I think this is backwards. I think science should be the context in which all other subjects are explored and that kids should have real life science experiences like cooking, gardening, and animal care everyday, especially in the primary grades. Children used to learn these things just by participating in life with their parents, after all.

The manner in which technology is explored in schools is beyond pathetic. The average elementary school student spends less than 30 minutes per week engaged in activity using modern technological equipment. Outside of school they can all use cell phones and digital cameras and iPods, but they've never made and edited a video about the classroom gecko or used computer-assisted animation to make a comic strip about recycling. They spend hours and hours in school practicing cursive writing but they've never used a voice-recognition computer program to 'write' a story. What decade are they going to school in?

Anyway, my point is that if I'm raising my kids in the post-industrial era, I'm not going to let them waste their time on activities that were important if they were going to be stenographers in 1955. And they aren't going to learn science out of a book. They are going to spend their time exploring the world around them, with access to appropriate technology whenever necessary.

Already, Jasmine (3.5yrs) walks around outdoors with her magnifying glass, examining everything from sticks to the neighbour`s dog.  Anna (7yrs) is asking for a snorkel for Christmas.  Holly wants us to move to the country so she can get a telescope for looking at the stars.

Science is really all about exploration and in our Unschooled lives together, we have plenty of time for it.

Why My Kids Don't Go to School

The other day my friend's husband asked me about why my kids don't go to school.  He's a highschool teacher, and while he isn't anti-homeschooling, he is definitely pro-public-schooling. 

He asked, "Was your decision to homeschool based more on your experiences as a student yourself, or on your experiences as a public school teacher?"

I thought it was such a thoughtful question, without a trace of judgement or criticism that usually comes from people who question our choices regarding the education of our children.  I paused before I answered in order to give the question the type of thoughtful answer that I felt it deserved:

When I think about sending my children to school, I can't ignore all my experiences as both a student and a teacher and all the anxiety that it produces in me when I imagine them in that environment.  But when I was a teacher, I never considered that I would someday homeschool my own children.  Never.

It has actually been my experiences as a mother that most influenced my decision to keep school out of our lives. 

When I observed that my first two daughters, just 20 months apart in age, were absolutely the best of friends, dependent on each other not just as playmates but also for emotional support and social skills development, I knew that I could never bring myself to separate them for schooling purposes.  It would be like performing an amputation on a healthy limb--what would be the point?

When I observed how resistant my oldest daughter was to learning anything that she wasn't immediately motivated to learn, I started to ask myself how I could send her to an environment where 'learning' follows a linear timeline requiring absolutely no deviation.  In fact, deviation is punished (by low marks or by separation from peers for the purpose of 'remediation').

When I observed how easily my children fill their days--with drawing, make-believe, story telling and reading, interaction with adults and gross motor skill development--and as I listened to their constant chatter and giggles and shrieks of delight, I couldn't imagine asking them to sit still and be quiet for 5 hours.

And by the time my third child came along, and I was already pretty sure that I wouldn't be sending the older two to school, I suddenly had an epiphany as I observed that my tiny baby was always just doing her best to learn and survive in the environment into which she'd been born.  It hit me that my older two daughters were also just doing their best all the time, every day.

I understood that my role in their lives was going to be to provide the best possible environment in which to grow and learn.  I knew that I had to work on myself to be healthier, more patient, more creative and more joyful.  I had to create an environment where Freedom is our guiding principle and where Trust trumps control.

And now we just live our lives together everyday.  It just works.

And I can't imagine doing it any other way.

A big 'Thankyou' goes out to a friend for asking such a great question.

What is your motivation for choosing an intentional role in the education of your children?

Hey Unschooler! What did you do on the First Day of School?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

I woke up at 8:00.  Julian was asleep on my shoulder so I didn't move.  Then each of the children started to stir and moan and wake up and we wandered out to the kitchen around 8:30.

By 9:00 we were all fed and dressed.  I wanted to go to the Farmer's Market to pick up my CSA order but Anna (7yrs) and Holly (5.5yrs) were busy playing a Littlest Pet Shop game so I filled an hour cleaning the kitchen with Julian (14 months) on my hip.

At 10:00 we went to the Market where we played and admired the beautiful flower gardens for about an hour and a half.

When we got home (around noon), Julian went to sleep and the 3 girls ate lunch and watched an Eye Witness video about lions, tigers and other big cats.  I checked my email.

When Julian woke up, I put him in the highchair to eat some lunch while I made a big pot of spaghetti sauce.  Anna, Holly and Jasmine (3.5yrs) played cooperatively with Dinosaur-themed Playmobil until Jasmine started to make a problem with Holly.  I invited Jasmine to go downstairs to our playroom with me and Julian where we built a construction site with Duplo blocks.

Anna and Holly finished playing and cleaned up their playmobil.  Then I got them a snack and we all went outside to play at about 3:00.

At 5:00 Partner-Guy came home from work.  He and I did a quick 'changing of the guard'--which means that he took over watching Julian while I put a pot of water on the stove to boil for pasta and then changed my clothes to go for a 3.5km run.

The girls were so busy playing a Barbie game when I got back that Partner-Guy and I ate alone with Julian.  When the girls came in to eat at 7:00, I served them while Partner-Guy took Julian to play in the sandbox.

At 7:30 we went for a 1.5km walk. (Some of us rode scooters.  Not me.)

I put Julian to bed when we got back and the girls had a snack.  Then I cleaned up supper while Partner-Guy read the girls a story and brushed their teeth.

They were all asleep at 9:00 at which time I sat down at the computer to write this.

The End.

(I love my life!  Freedom, baby!  It's all FREEDOM!)

How We're Asking the Wrong Questions about Public Education

I'm the weirdo homeschooler in my neighbourhood.

Except that I'm not homeschooling my children;  we're unschooling.

And even though I'm that weirdo, I'm also a former elementary school teacher (and still an employee, though not currently on the payroll), so a lot of my friends and neighbours seek me out to ask questions about the local school (although I've never worked there), their children's teachers, school board policies, rules and homework, and other public-education-related issues.

Here are some of the recent questions I've been asked and comments I've heard:

• My child's teacher assigns the same homework every day for the whole school year.  Isn't that a bit redundant?  What can I do about it?
• Should I be worried that my child went from B+ in math D- in one term?  What should I do about it?
• I'm so offended that my child's teacher asked me to volunteer in the classroom!  Doesn't she know I have a baby at home?
• The teacher gave my child a C+ in reading.  Now she'll be 'labelled' for the rest of her school life.  Should I complain to the principal?
• The new principal is a total jerk!  She yelled at me because my child has been late 60 times.  She needs to get over it.
• Can I tell the principal that I don't want D_____ in my child's class again this year?  Two years of the entire class being subjected to his tantrums is enough.  I mean, I get it that he's Special Needs, but doesn't my child deserve some attention?
• Am I allowed to tell the school that I won't be making my child do homework?
• Am I allowed to send my child to school every other day?

I genuinely have sadness in my heart when I hear about these problems and complaints.  I listen.  I empathize.  I explain school board policies or the laws under The Education Act of Ontario.  Often I defend the teacher, who is simply a servant of the system and doesn't really call the shots at all.  Rarely, I offer advice.  Never, can I solve the problem.

Friends, the problem with the public education system isn't The Problem.  The System is the The Problem.

Every scenario described above can be reduced to this:

• I'm not happy with the status quo.  How do I change the status quo?

Friends, you cannot change the status quo.  You can only reject it.

There is no other solution.  The status quo is not a lot of small problems that all need individual solutions.  No.  The status quo is an institution that is destroying the joy of children and robbing them of their freedom.  An institution is what it is;  it is unchangeable.

We cannot seek to change the institution--the status quo--by asking how to get the teacher to give less homework or more homework or by having more bake sales or fewer bake sales.  Those are the wrong questions.

The question to ask is this:
If I don't like the public education system, do I have to use it?
No, friends, you do not.

You are a consumer.  Public education is a product.  If you don't like the product, stop using it.

If you (and enough other people) reject the status quo, it will cease to exist.  But what will replace it? you ask.  You don't need to know the answer to that question because nothing can replace it until it is gone.  It cannot be tweaked into improvement;  it can only be rejected and replaced.

You do not have to choose to accept the status quo.
I reject it.  And I have no regrets.

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Tomorrow:  School will not solve your child's problems

I Know What You're Doing for "Back-to-School" (that I'm not doing)

Just two more weeks of summer!  Yup!  And I know just what you're up to....

1.  You're shopping.
Isn't it amazing how the pencils that your child hasn't picked up in two months are now not appropriate for use and have to be replaced?  And the backpack that's been sitting in the closet since June is totally unacceptable, isn't it?  You'll be buying another one.  And obviously you're replacing all your plastic containers for sending lunches because your child will probably never eat the carrot sticks that you pack in them anyway.

But most importantly, you're buying clothes, right?  Someday I'll have to wrap my head around the way that all the kids here in Southern Ontario (where the weather is more or less the same in June as it is in September) need all their clothes replaced before they can head off to school.  Do school kids save all their growing for July and August?  They must, otherwise why would they all need new clothes and shoes after just two months?  Lucky for me that my kids still fit into the clothes they were wearing at the beginning of the summer.  I'm saving a lot of money!

2.  You're worrying.
You're worrying about whether that bully from last  year will be in your child's class again this year.  You're worrying that your child is not keeping up with her peers academically and the school is going to ask you to put her in a Special Education class.  You're worried that your child's teacher won't get along with him.  You're worried that your child won't make any friends.  You're worried that the new principal is a control freak and will limit the influence of the parent council.  You're worried that your child's new clothes aren't as expensive as what the other kids will have.  You're worried that the teacher is going to ask you to volunteer in your child's classroom when you just don't have time.  You're worried that your child is experiencing anxiety about the start of school.  Yup, you're worrying.

Want to know what I'm worrying about?  I'm worrying that the raccoons are going to eat the tomatoes in my garden before I get a chance to pick them.

3.  You're getting back into the 'routine'.
You're getting the kids to bed earlier and earlier and getting them up in the morning earlier and earlier because you MUST be ready to tackle that routine by the time school starts. 

And it makes sense, you know, because if you knew that you were going to jail in two weeks you would DEFINITELY spend your last two weeks of freedom PRACTICING how to be in jail.  Any reasonable person would want to be prepared.  Of course.

We have a routine, too.  After supper we ride our bikes until the street lights come on and then we come in the house and eat Ontario-grown watermelon and homemade bread with fresh homemade Ontario-peach jam.  We hit the pillows around 10:30 pm and the kids wake up at 9am.  Gawd, it's a rough routine, I tell ya!

4.  You're reminding everyone that time is running out.
You're cramming in those trips to the zoo and the beach and to Grandma's house that you've been trying to get to all summer.  You're telling the kids to 'enjoy their freedom' because it's going to end soon.  You're turning off the TV and sending everyone to bed.  You're putting the kids on their bicycles and sending them out to ride because YOU KNOW that they won't be getting much exercise once school starts.

My time is running out too:  I haven't put in nearly enough hours laying on the beach.  I have GOT to get some more time in the sand before the snow falls.  Maybe I'll drag the kids down to the waterfront tomorrow....if they aren't too busy chasing the chickens and racing their bicycles.

5.  You're counting down the days.
Sing it with me, friends:  It's the most wonderful time of the year.....That's right, just 17 more days of having to deal with your children 7 days a week.  It's OK.  You can admit it.  You are so RELIEVED to get the kids out of the house to school!  You are so tired of the fighting and the whining and the cleaning up and the fighting and the whining and the cleaning up!  It is just so. much. easier. when someone else can entertain the kids all day.  After all, those teachers better earn their pay cheques!

I'm counting down the days too!  I'm practically GIDDY thinking about all the places my children and I can enjoy now that everybody else's kids will be back in school in just 17 days!  Toronto Zoo, here we come!

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Did I forget anything?  Is there anything else you're doing (or NOT doing) before Labour Day?

UN-Back-to-School Shopping

This morning the Sears' Christmas Wish catalogue arrived at my front door.

The thought hit me, "Christmas shopping?  I haven't even done Back-to-School shopping yet!  Wow, I am WAY behind."

Aaaah, wait a minute there, woman.  You don't DO Back-to-School shopping.

Yes that's right, friends.  I am blissfully non-participatory in the whole Back-to-School phenomenon.  No shlepping through crowded shopping malls.  No hoarding of pencils and binders from Walmart.  No fighting with the kids to make them choose the more practical running shoes.

Do you want to know what I did this week?

I spent a day on the beach at Toronto Island with my 3.5 yr old daughter Jasmine and 13-month old Julian.  I spent another day at the Ontario Science Centre with 7yr old Anna (and 13-month old Julian.)  And I spent another day in Waterloo with the whole family visiting each of my parents.  And I took 5.5yr old Holly out for lunch.  And I filled in a little time blanching and freezing broccoli, taking my kids around the block on their bikes, cleaning out the storage shed and making some amazing summer suppers.

I've read a few magazines this week and I've hung 6 loads of laundry on the clothesline.

Back-to-School shopping?  No way.

But even though I'm not doing anything to prepare for the fateful Tuesday after Labour Day, it actually IS on my mind for two reasons.

1. Partner-Guy is an elementary school teacher.  So, sadly, we must bid him adieu in 2 1/2 weeks as he returns to work.  Honestly, I can't think of worse job for him.  (Except that we really appreciate the short work hours, the summer holidays and the generous compensation.  Did I mention the generous compensation?)
2. I love September (when schools are full of kids) so that MY kids and I can return to all the places we enjoy!  Imagine going to the beach and the Zoo and the Science Centre and the playground with only about 1/10 the number of people!  It's fabulous. (Last year we went to the Science Centre on the first day of school and the only other people who were there were homeschoolers.)  This year I think we will go to the Zoo.  Yippee!

So, while the end of August does bring the end of our summer together as a family, we can celebrate the good times to come in September.

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(And since I haven't blogged about Unschooling all summer, I will soon be posting some interesting stories related to what my children are learning right now.  Are you Unschooling yet?  You know you want to.)

Do You take a Break from Homeschooling in the Summer?

Short Answer: 
No.

Long Answer:
We are learning all the time, so months or days of the week don't really matter to us.  We don't break down our lives by subject or unit, either.  We just live, love, learn and laugh together all the time.

The Answer:

 "Life learning is not a method of education, nor are there any step-by-step guidelines or rules for doing it the right way. It is a way of life, a way of looking at the world and at children. It is about self-direction, about respect, about learning from life and throughout life. It is about kids, families and communities regaining control over their days, their learning, their money, their resources, and their ability to direct and manage themselves." ~ Wendy Priesnitz  (http://www.lifelearningmagazine.com/)

A Week Of Secrets: #1

Psssst...I'll let you in on a little secret.  But only if you promise not to tell anyone.

Our family is growing.

I bet you think I'm pregnant again, right?  Wrong. 

WE GOT CHICKENS!

Yes, once a farmer's daughter, always a farmer's daughter.  You can take the girl out of the country, but apparently you can't take the country out of the girl! 

Here's the story:
One day I was walking down the sidewalk pushing Julian in the stroller and chatting with the girls when I stopped, backed up and stared up someone's driveway in disbelief.  Surely I couldn't be seeing a lattice fence shielding 3 chickens in a backyard?  But, yes, there they were.

A few days later I passed by the house and there was a man outside so I approached him and asked if this was his house (yes) and were those his chickens.  He said that they were his pets.  I pressed him farther:  Do they lay eggs?  He maintained that they were his pets.  I was getting nowhere so I laid it out for him:  I want chickens.  I want chickens that lay eggs.  How do you get away with having chickens?

Sadly, it is against Toronto bylaws to keep chickens in your backyard.  Or in your house, I guess.  Yes, like many cities, people in Toronto are entitled to have massive dogs that $hit all over sidewalks, lawns and parks, but we are not allowed to keep a couple of chickens who quietly earn their keep.

Anyway, the man with the chickens sensed that I wasn't going to turn him over to Big Brother...I mean, The Authorities...so he brought me and the children to his backyard to meet his flock.  Well, I won't bother with all the details but I ran into him one day last week and he informed me that he and his wife had to move and would we like to have his chickens, his coop, his fence and his feed and straw.

Would I?   Yes, yes, yes!

Now (Mom) I know what you're thinking:  Surely there is a simpler way of obtaining farm-fresh organic eggs in Toronto than THIS?  Yeah, I'm sure you're right.  But this is not about simple.  It's about The New Normal.  It's about eating better and learning new skills and accepting a challenge.  It's about Unschooling.  It's about living outside the Mainstream.

The hens lay an egg (each) every day.  And they are The Healthiest eggs imaginable.  I would love it these eggs become a major source of protein for us so that we start buying a little less meat each week.  But that remains to be figured out.  I'd also like to try my Jasmine on these eggs to see if maybe they won't aggravate her severe eczema.

Here they are!

Exploring the yard.

That's Lolo on the left, Tillie in the middle and Ginger on the right.  (And my daughter Holly in the back.)

Here are Tillie and Lolo in their fenced in area beside their coop.

So.  What do you think of my secret?

What IS and ISN'T Reading

Like just about everything that makes up the artificial world of modern schooling, READING has been completely misunderstood and then fabricated into an activity that barely resembles what it is really all about.  If you learned to read at school, I would challenge you to contemplate and compare the READING that you did in your school days to the reading that you do now as an adult.

Reading is not a performance.  When was the last time that someone gave you a challenging piece of writing that you had never seen before, asked you to read it aloud, and then critiqued and evaluated your performance?  If you are an adult, the answer would be "I can't remember."  If you are a child between 5 and 18 years of age, the answer would be "Everyday.  Or at least a few times a week."  What an unnecessary stress for a child!  And what does it prove?

A few years ago we were at a wedding where Partner-Guy was the MC.  One of the ushers in the wedding party wanted to tell a story about when he had first met the bride but he was nervous about going to the microphone.  So Partner-Guy wrote out the story for him and the usher practised it a few times.  Then he went to the microphone......and we all held our breath in utter embarrassment for him as he stumbled through the reading of the very story that he had just talked about with a friend.

Can that guy read?  OF COURSE!  He reads the newspaper everyday, he accesses information online, he reads the directions on any number of things.  Can he read aloud in public?  Apparently not.  Public read-alouds do not prove whether or not a child OR adult can read.

Reading is not a re-tell.  Sometimes I read something in The Toronto Star or in Maclean's magazine that I want to share with Partner-Guy.  And often while I am telling him about what I read he asks "Is that what the article said or is that your interpretation?"  Or he says, "I don't get it.  Did you leave out something?"  So even though I am an articulate, intelligent adult with multiple University degrees, re-telling what I have read does not prove that I can read.  It only proves that certain details of what I have read stay with me.  And in re-telling, I still bring my own interpretation.

Reading is not opinion-forming.  Remember the usher I mentioned above?  One time he and I were discussing a book we had both read about Sir Wilfrid Laurier (the 7th Prime Minister of Canada, 1896-1911).  He disagreed with me about the reason why Laurier's government was defeated prior to World War I.  The fact that he and I each formed opinions about what we had read does not prove that either of can read.  And our differing opinions do not prove that one of us can read but the other can't.

Reading is not a writing exercise.  Recently Partner-Guy was administering the standardized test for Ontario Grade 3 students at the school where he works.  The students were given a story about an old woman who lived near the sea and witnessed a shipwreck during a storm.  She went to the beach and built a huge fire to guide the sailors toward the shore and she even swam into the water to help rescue some men. 

The students were asked How was the old woman a hero?  Give details from the story.  One boy wrote "The woman lived alone.  The beach was dark.  Even the cabin-boy was rescued."  You are probably thinking that none of the boy's answers prove that the old woman was a hero.  He would be given a 'D' for his answer.  But the problem is with the question itself.  The boy gave details from the story, thus fulfilling the part of the question that stuck in his brain when he went to write his answer on the test paper.  Does that mean he can't read?  OF COURSE NOT!  But when his parents and teachers see the grade of 'D' for reading, they will think that it means that he cannot read.  He will be labelled and remediated.  He will believe that reading is hard for him.  He will see himself as not being as smart as other kids.

And all because someone who doesn't know him judged that his written answer to a poorly written question proves that he didn't understand the story.  Nuts, eh?

So what is reading?  I'm glad you stayed with me long enough to ask. 

Reading is when your eyes and your past experiences work together to form meaning from symbols.  Reading is meaningful only when it creates meaning for the person who is reading.  Coerced reading is not meaningful.  Bored reading is not meaningful.  Creating meaning from reading is a unique process for every person.  If you and I both read the same thing but learn different things it only proves that we have different experiences through which to filter what we read.

So how do we know if kids can read if we don't find a way to test them?
Easy.  We all read for different reasons.  We read the directions that come with our IKEA furniture so that we can built it correctly.  We read the ingredients on the loaf bread to see if it contains things that we want to eat.  We read a novel for entertainment.  Reading is purposeful.  For children it is no different.  We know that children can read when they do things because of reading that they couldn't have done without reading.

Anna (7 yrs) has never read anything aloud to me, yet I've noticed that she can now do some of the activities in her little workbooks without asking me to read for her. She does things that serve a purpose for her, not because I want her to show me whether or not she can do it.  Similarly, I'll know that she can do alphabetization when she can look up our number in the phonebook.  I'll know that she can do math in her head when she calculates her change at the toystore.

Reading is a personal, productive activity.  Children who grow up in a literate culture where they observe reading for a variety of purposes are going to learn to read AND are going to want to read increasingly complex things as their lives and ideas expand and mature.

There is no test required.

Homeschooling as the Next Step on the Continuum of Attachment Parenting

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Homeschooling.  Please check out the other participants.

Recently someone was sharing with me how natural and 'easy' attachment parenting has been for her as she mothers her 4-month-old baby.  I smiled and agreed that Yes, it does make the parent's life so much easier to flow with the baby's needs.  But inside I was thinking And until what age do you intend to continue to attachment parent your child?

A bit obnoxious on my part?  Maybe.

But experience has shown me that even the most well-intentioned parents have a hard time committing to real attachment parenting after the baby-stage is over. My own experiences from 7+ years of being a mother (and I am by NO MEANS an expert) and my observations of mothers at La Leche League have taught me that the theories and practices that comprise the standard definition of 'attachment parenting' are much harder to keep in place as the baby becomes a toddler and a pre-schooler. In fact, one of the reasons why I resigned as a La Leche League leader was because I observed that many of the leaders (whose children were young like mine) were becoming more and more mainstream in their parenting practices as their children grew out of baby-hood.

When I was a new mother I thought I had a handle on the definition of attachment parenting. I had read the book by US paediatrician William Sears in which he set out a list of guidelines to describe attachment parenting. Generally speaking, his guidelines include:

Gentle birth
Breastfeeding on demand and child-led weaning
Babywearing
Bed-sharing
Immediate response to crying
Minimal separation of mother and baby

I followed these guidelines to a 'T' with Anna. In fact, there was no other way to care for Anna, as she cried whenever I put her down, she slept for no more than 45 minutes in the day before waking to nurse, and she would not stay with her dad for more than a few seconds if I left the room. I came to believe that attachment parenting meant having the child physically ON the mother, since even at 2 years old, Anna refused to be away from me for even a few minutes.

My understanding of attachment parenting began to change bit by bit when I started to ponder and research homeschooling. It was around Anna's 2nd birthday that I first began to think about homeschooling after a friend I had met at La Leche League told me that her husband was opposed to sending their daughter to school. I contacted the only person I knew at that time who was homeschooling, and she sent me the links to a variety of websites that she had found useful when she began homeschooling. I read through them, but nothing seemed to 'click' with me. Eventually, I ran across the term 'unschooling' and that eventually led me to the term 'authentic parenting'.

What I learned was that although I was following all the 'attachment parenting guidelines', I was doing it only for superficial reasons: I believed that by doing the things that Dr. Sears recommended (and La Leche League, also) I was a better mother than the cry-it-out, pro-daycare, pro-timeout crowd. Really, I had completely missed the point. I had been using a strategy but I had not fully committed to the essence of attachment which is the relationship.

I discovered unschooling through the website of Jan Hunt. It contains a wealth of articles by Hunt and others on parenting, health, learning and relationships. Jan Hunt's book is called The Natural Child: Parenting from the Heart. She renames attachment parenting 'empathic parenting' and she describes it thus:

We understand that all children are doing the very best they can at every given moment.

We trust that though children may be small in size, they deserve to have their needs taken seriously.

We know that it is unrealistic to expect a child to behave perfectly at all times.

We recognize that "bad behaviour" is the child's attempt to communicate an important need in the best way she can.

We learn to look beneath a child's outward behaviour to understand what he is thinking and feeling.

We see that in a very beautiful way, our child teaches us what love is.

When reading through this list of 'guidelines' it is easy to see how they apply to children of any age. Unlike the list of guidelines from Dr. Sears, these principles focus on a way of being in a relationship with a child. Jan Hunt says in her book that people either 'get it' about children, or they don't. It is only recently that I have begun to 'get it'. Trusting and respecting the emotions and actions of children all the time is a completely new way of thinking for me. It involves letting go of my pre-conceived ideas and making myself vulnerable to the needs of my children. Hunt offers me a challenge as opposed to the Dr. Sears list which offered only a strategy.

Authentic Parenting is described and taught by Naomi Aldort in her book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. In the introduction she says

You will learn to nurture [your child] without shaping, like a gardener who waters flowers, but doesn't help them open nor choose their shapes or colors....

In this book you will learn to let go of your armour and let love flow through you with no strings attached.

If we want our future as humanity to look different than how it looks now, we need to allow our children to create it out of who they are and not out of who we want them to be.

Parenting is a path of maturation and growth if we dare to learn more and teach less. When you have the courage to stop defending the way you are, or the way your parents raised you, you can open up to the possibility that you are much greater and more magnificent and capable than you thought you were. (excepts from pages xv, xvi and xvii)

Reading these words was a lightbulb-moment for me. It made sense. It explained what was missing from my strategy for attachment parenting. It opened my mind and my heart to what was wrong with me instead of focusing on what I perceived to be wrong with my child. It gave me the courage to change.

Once I began to focus more on my relationship with my children, and less on trying to achieve a particular result with them, I was finally able to take a deep breathe and relax into my mothering role. It was no longer a persona and I began to experience more joy and freedom. By the time Jasmine joined our family I had fully made the switch in my mind from attachment parenting as a strategy to attachment parenting as a relationship. In fact, I felt that Jasmine's birth was like a renewal for my relationships with Anna and Holly. I felt like I was getting a fresh start, and as I looked for and met Jasmine's needs I learned to look for and meet Anna and Holly's needs in the same authentic way.

And this is why I am skeptical about people who embrace the principals of attachment parenting with their infants but who have a vision of the future with their children that includes pre-school or daycare or sleep-training or punishments or rewards or public school or schedules or any activities that require an otherwise dependent child to become prematurely independent.

Quite frankly, it's not easy to offer trust and respect to children all day, everyday, especially when they are no longer tiny and helpless. A daughter who refuses to help clean up her dolls or another daughter who screams at her father for serving her food with the wrong sauce do not necessarily inspire consistent kindness and patience, trust and respect. It's hard.

But it's worth it.

Focusing on the relationship instead of the behaviour removes the aspect of blame and maintains the equilibrium within the family. Attachment parenting is not a set of strategies. It is a way of life. It is a way of living with children. It is a way of loving that maximizes joy and freedom.

I'm learning. And I'm trying to share my experiences with anyone who wants to learn too.

I'm an Unschooler, But I'm Not

Unschooling is so personal that every unschooler would have their own definition and list of what IS and ISN'T unschooling.  And then there's Radical Unschooling which generally means that the family not only doesn't do school at home, but that they also live democratically: the children primarily make their own decisions with regards to food, bedtimes, activities, socializing, etc.

Like attachment parenting, I would suggest that Unschooling is part of a spectrum of family lifestyles that range from Homeschooling on one side to Radical Unschooling on the other.  We are likely somewhere in the middle.

Here's why.

I'm an Unschooler, But I'm Not....

• opposed to my children completing the work in little activity books.  They have a few books that include word searches, penmanship activities, math-type questions and matching and sorting.  They choose when they work in those books, what they want to do and for how long they want to do it.  Most of the books have been gifts, a few they have picked out and a few were purchased by me.  We never value the work completed in the activities as being more important than the drawing or printing that they do in their sketch pads. 
• ever going to give my children access to the 1000s of online 'games' designed to 'teach' a particular skill or subject.  A couple of years ago, when Anna and Holly were 5yrs and 3yrs, I started showing them some online games on the NickJr website.  I was stunned at how they were instantly addicted. They were just being entertained.  I decided immediately that online games, video games, hand-held games and TV-related gaming systems would not become part of our lifestyle.
• running my kids around the city trying to find other unschoolers to hang out with.  We've tried a couple of Homeschool/Unschool groups and we didn't feel very comfortable anywhere.  I can see that we might want to have a network of fellow unschoolers as the kids get older, but for now none of us seem to be craving a community of peers.
• running my kids around the city to activities and clubs.  I've offered.  They refuse.  I'll offer again next year and see what happens.
• abandoning my responsibilities as a parent.  Our unschooling life is guided by our Family Mission Statement.  I try to provide a stimulating, compassionate environment in which my children learn, grow, play, explore, connect and engage.  Sometimes there is fighting and discord and we learn from that, too.
• saying that I always feel confident that I am doing the right thing.  It is hard to let go of the old authoritarian paradigm that would have me believe that I have to be in control of the children all the time.  But I am getting better and better at trusting my children, trusting my instinct and trusting our connection to each other.

What is your Unschooling style?  What IS and ISN'T Unschooling for you?