When I think about everything I really want in a mate, one thing becomes perfectly clear:
I totally picked the WRONG guy.
He isn't a guy who likes to work hard and then be all proud of his accomplishment. He doesn't know (or care) anything about our government or even politics in general. He likes to watch kind of raunchy TV. He swears. He isn't in the least bit romantic or even affectionate. He can't fix anything. He complains a lot. He eats a lot.
But something happens when you live with a guy for 7 years and you make 4 beautiful children together and you commit yourselves to giving them a great life together.
You get comfortable being around his faults.
Your heart warms to the way he cradles his babies.
You discover that you love the way he makes you laugh.
You see the sacrifices he makes to bring joy to his children.
You learn that being a better partner is more important than finding a better partner.
You find the best partner in the most obvious place: on the couch in your own living room.
You figure out that the wrong guy can be the perfect guy.
It just depends on what matters to you.
What I've finally figured out is that the only thing that matters to me is that my partner and I are moving our lives in the same direction, sharing the same set of priorities and values.
You see, Partner-Guy gets it that our kids can't give up their freedom and go to school. He gets it that our babies can't cry themselves to sleep in a crib. He gets it that mainstream culture can't be responsible for the values and goals that our children will develop.
And what's more--he gets ME. He gets it that I am smart. He gets it that I have to make all of our food from scratch AND that I have to go for body sugaring and pedicures. He gets it that I am both passionate and unpredictable. He gets it that I feel no contradiction about washing my hair with baking soda and then leaving the house in my knee-high high-heeled black leather boots.
So it turns out that I picked the right guy after all.